“Life as a 'Z'”
Documenting a life lived with purpose and the random stuff in between.
29 Weeks
I don’t know why it has taken this long, but nesting has finally kicked in. The nursery is on its way yet it is a lot more cluttered than I had planned. Therefore, the whole nesting thing has really come in handy to figure out the best way to organize, arrange and situate everything. We live in a two bedroom and really need the nursery to second as a guest room. This means getting creative. Like the dresser/changing table may need to go in the closet and the closet may just need to loose the french doors.
Enter Pinterest {LOVE this thing!} for creative closet arrangements. How’s this for some ideas:
Now to talk through these wonderful ideas I have with Mr. Z :-) This is what happens. Frequently. I brainstorm {or daydream} and come up with what I think is the best solution after I have run 1,000 different scenarios through my head, considered all the pros and cons and just assume Mr. Z will be on the same page as me as soon as I blurt out my well thought out idea. I tend to forget how long it took me to get to the final result ;-)
Interesting things from pregnancy this week:
- Baby has grown so much that it seems almost every movement is a BIG one :-)
- Maternity tops that used to seem really long aren’t so much anymore.
- We {Mr. Z} put the crib together this past weekend!
- I’ll post nursery pics once it’s done :-)
A New Blogging Endeaver
What do you write on a blog that’s titled Start Marriage Right when you’ve only been married for a hot second? This is what I’ve been asking myself as I embark into this new endeavor. Starting this week I’ll begin contributing on a monthly basis to the blog on www.StartMarriageRight.com and perhaps more as time goes on.
If there is anything I learned in the journey leading to marriage it was probably more what NOT to do than what to do. In fact, when the prospect of writing in this space came my way my husband and I joked that we could probably fill the pages of a book with what not to do, but a book about what to do might be quite a different story.
You see we met as young, naïve and faithless 22-year olds. I had just graduated from college and he had one more semester left. But when we met we didn’t even know that much about each other, we just each thought the other was quite attractive. It was Memorial Day weekend and he had come down to Indianapolis to visit a mutual friend of ours and we were ready to party with whoever walked in the door.
At the end of the weekend he left to go back to Chicago. I left for my parents’ home in Connecticut. Neither of us thought we would see the other again.
By the time I was 22 I had known the Lord briefly in high school but after a year at Indiana University I began to subscribe to the universal god theory. My husband had been raised in a religious home but had never explored his faith as his own and pretty much knew the routine without a relationship.
In the 10 years that followed our first encounter I moved to the Windy City, we began dating and after two and a half years we broke-up. God ravaged our hearts while apart and we got back together and got engaged. At the time, that was not God’s plan. We broke off our engagement, experienced the worst heartbreak we had ever known and swore off the other. But God had a plan and even we could not thwart it. As only the One true redeeming God could do, He restored what we destroyed, redeemed a boy and a girl and He brought us back together in His perfect timing to make a covenant with Him and each other for the rest of our lives.
We had no idea when we met that weekend in May 2002 that our God would take us on the most incredible journey that would culminate with welcoming our first child into the world 10 years later to the month.
So, it is with the knowledge of my redeeming God, who He is and what He has done for us that I write in this new space. And by His grace I pray He can use what I’ve learned to help others begin their marriage well. I’m just an imperfect girl whose prayer is that the God of all grace and redemption can use the little bit I’ve learned of Him and our beautifully flawed story to bring glory to His name and prevent others from having to “learn the hard way.”
His word says that He will use the foolish things of this world to shame the wise {1 Corinthians 1:27} and so I trust that He can use this broken yet redeemed vessel.
I hope you’ll stop by Start Marriage Right sometime and find something helpful in your journey.
Read MoreWaiting in Hope
I wrote an Open Letter to Matchmakers in this space this week and then later in the week read this blog post on (in)courage about the reality of how hard singleness can be. Both of these inspired me to write a little about my journey through singleness while dealing with the unrelenting desire to be married. I hope it encourages some of you.
I remember wondering if God was ever going to fulfill this longing in my heart. The desire had never really been so intense as it was when I started to follow hard after Him. Perhaps it was that my priorities were a little different before I chose Jesus, or perhaps I just wasn’t aware of this desire lying dormant waiting to be awakened. Maybe it had something to do with the emphasis the church puts on marriage (right or not is not the purpose of this post). No matter, it was so intense that it lead me to prematurely attempt a walk down the aisle.
Read the rest on The Block today.
Read More28 Weeks
The snow is falling outside our window, making spring seem so far off. Yet this week marks the official start of the third trimester. In 84 days the dead of winter will have disappeared, we’ll see spring on the trees and in the green of the grass, and we’ll welcome new life becoming a family of three :-) I can hardly believe it.
Interesting things from pregnancy this week:
- The nursery is coming along with these adorable pillows I bought for the daybed.
- Some of the gifts people have gotten us off of our registry have been coming and I pretty much cry with EVERYTHING that arrives ;-) {out of a healthy mix of hormones and pure joy}
- I noticed today that my once toned arms have lost their look. I’m already planning to where 3/4 length sleeves all summer {is that really vein of me. ha!}
An Open Letter to Matchmakers
Someone once told me that the most important decision of my life, second only to choosing to follow Christ, was to choose my husband. When I heard those words they hit hard and to the core. When you believe in Death do us part and only by death will we part, you somewhat understand the weight of those words.
Matchmakers, I ask you to remember that statement. Remember it to the point that if you desire to set someone up with someone else that you have prayed the dickens out of it before subjecting two people to your well-intentioned schemes. I know you want to be helpful and now being married I can see why you would like others to experience the blessing, but remember that God’s timing is perfect in all things and so are His ways.
For the conservative Jesus-following girls, many of us believe in God’s design for a man to pursue us. We don’t believe we should pursue them. Some of us have even been blessed with witnessing the errors of our ways when we try to take the lead, and once we see the disaster that tends to follow, we want nothing to do with it. Have at it men. Lead on. Therefore, if you find a lovely godly man that you think is the perfect fit for your single sister, before you do anything PRAY. Secondly, don’t tell her. She won’t pursue him anyway. And don’t say well maybe she could pull a Ruth. Ruth was the exception not the rule. Let’s be honest, she was one “lucky” girl that Boaz didn’t kick her out.
Chances are the girl you desire to get hitched also desires to get hitched. And if that is a deep desire embedded in the depths of her soul then her beautiful little heart will begin to dream about the possibility of this being the one God has chosen for her. You may think it’s harmless to mention the cute guy you met at a ministry event that you think would be perfect for her. The one who is burdened for the same things as her and who happens to have the same love of Dairy Queen. And she might try to brush it off too. But deep down her heart has heard his name and she begins to wonder. The desire has been stoked and it is hard, especially when the pickings seem slim, to not begin to wonder if God is now moving. But if nothing happens, or even something does and it doesn’t work out, she is left disappointed and even hurt. And she had no choice in the matter.
Now I’m not saying we are to avoid heartbreak and pain. Not at all. When we choose to follow Christ we are opening the door for a life of suffering. But what I am saying, is do not put the single sister you love in this place where she can do nothing but watch from the sidelines and wonder what might happen next. If there ever is a next. {Remember Song of Solomon? Do not awaken love until it so desires.}
So what can you matchmakers do? Talk to the guy. Tell him about this girl. Throw a party, game night or some other kind of get together and make sure they both come {and a bunch of other people too}. And unless the guy says he would like to meet this girl for coffee and asks you for her number, don’t tell her. Let her be pursued by him. Let her watch how God unfolds the next season of her life.
As a woman who has tried to take many situations in my own hands and seen how they often fail to work out, I wanted nothing more than to see how God would bring me my husband, the one He chose for me. God put my husband on my heart for weeks but I did not once pick-up the phone. Besides the fact that I thought I was crazy {that’s a whole other story} I knew that I needed to know that I know that I know that this was God bringing us together and not any scheming of my own. I’ve never asked, but it is possible my friends were scheming to bring us together, but I did not know that. All I knew was I was praying specific, not telling anyone my prayers and asking God to do particular things that proved to me He was making our paths cross. My husband pursued, I responded.
Matchmakers, you may not be aware, but as an older woman (and I know there are plenty older than I) who really wanted to be married, when people I trusted brought men to my attention that actually seemed like a good pick, my heart would begin to wonder and it was an awful place to be. Hands tied and wondering if the deepest desire of your heart was going to be fulfilled.
So Matchmakers, encourage the men. Help them encounter these women in different ways. But leave the ladies out of it. Let them see God move in their situation and let them be pursued.
Read MoreFive Minute Friday: Trust
1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no overthinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join.
3. Go a little overboard in encouraging the writer who linked up before you
Are you ready? What are you waiting for?
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Trust
It takes trust to love.
We sat in my living room, four grown women. Each with our own story. All desiring to glorify God with this life. Each longing to love well.
She asked, “What do you think the world’s definition of love is?”
We had varying answers from infatuation to romance to receiving.
We read from 1 John. And there, in black and white we are told what love is.
God is Love.
If God is Love, then Love is sacrificial, it doesn’t require reciprocation, it gives and gives and gives, it does not assume it will receive it back. Love dies for others.
In our humanity this is impossible. How can we possibly Love this way?
TRUST.
If we trust in Him, He who IS Love, we can know that when our love is given in the way that God designed it to be given, nothing will be lost. No matter if it is returned or not.
Read More27 Weeks
At 27 weeks this little one has me completely smitten ;-) We were sitting in church and s/he would not stop moving. Big movements. The kind that makes me think everyone can see my belly moving. And then I look around and realize I am the only one completely enthralled with the tumbler inside my belly. And that’s the fact of the matter—I am completely and utterly enamored by the movements that I can’t focus on anything. And I wonder why no one else in the room is? Shouldn’t everyone be concerned with what’s going on my belly? Ahh, the beginnings of the crazy mamma who thinks her baby should be the center of everyone’s world ;-)
The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem right? This is me admitting ;-)
All joking aside I am often quite enamored by this little one and am savoring every kick and tumble. The sweetest moments are when Mr. Z gets to experience the movements with me. There is nothing on earth like it.
We made significant progress in the nursery department. The crib is ordered and we found a lovely daybed on Craig’s list and a nice and tall dresser {that we can add the changing pad too} so Mr. Z won’t break his back bending over to change the little one’s diaper. There is still quite a bit more to do, but we are well on our way and I’m having lots of fun with it.
Interesting things from pregnancy this week:
- Heels can only be worn for special occasions now {aka. Back wins over fashion}
- I get to see my mamma and two of my sisters in 10 days!
- Got a cold that sidelined me for about a day and a half, but thankfully that was the brunt of it.
The bump is about to bust outa this coat!
Nursery in progressFive Minute Friday: Real
1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no overthinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join.
3. Go a little overboard in encouraging the writer who linked up before you
Are you ready? What are you waiting for?
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Real
What is the face we {Christ followers} show the world? Do we want to paint the “perfect” picture of a life of faith? In our quest to seek God in our daily life, live life like Jesus and help others come to know Him, are we painting the real picture.
I think one of the unfortunate things that happens too often in our efforts to help others come to know Him is we cater to what we think as humans is better than life without Him. Meaning, we forget the real side of faith. We want Jesus to be appealing, to be the guy that’s gonna give you a hug and love on you no matter. We want to follow a God that loves everyone and everything. We want the hippie Jesus.
But that’s not totally real.
Real following Christ will mean you pick-up your cross. You choose to follow Him no matter what He allows your way. And if He takes you on the road of suffering, which will happen at some point if you are really seeking Him, will you keep on following Him and trusting Him and going after Him?
We want to tell people all too often that Christ’s way, God’s way, is the better, best, ONLY way. And it is. BUT, have we even reconciled ourselves to the fact that it isn’t the easy way, the simpler way, or the smoother way?
The real side of following Christ is a life of peace amidst the storm, finding joy despite the suffering, feeling loved and comforted in times when love and comfort seem like far off dreams.
Christ following is not easy, in fact it can be harder than not following Him. Real following will mean encountering suffering, storms, great difficulties, but it also means experiencing REAL love, joy and peace despite all those things.
Read More26 Weeks
**I wrote this last night and am happy to say that His mercies are new every morning. The call for 60 degree weather and bright sunshine may have a little to do with my more upbeat attitude, and the fact that Mr. Z seems to accept my nightly ritual of crabbiness and lovingly forgives me every morning :-)**
Yesterday marked the double-digits. Yep, now we are 98 days from our due date. It seems so far off when I think of May—spring, green leaves, flowers in bloom, Mother’s Day ;-)
Umm… okay, confession: I’m trying to write this post and I’m totally distracted by my sheer will to try not to get overwhelmed by the books I feel like I still need to read, the hospital registration I need to complete, the insurance conversations that still need to be had, oh and, the fact that in 98 days plus or minus I will be experiencing the most intense pain I’ve ever felt in my entire life!
Did I mention I have never spent any time in a hospital nor have I ever experienced any health difficulties? Like I’ve never had surgery before or been severely ill. I’ve never even broken a bone. This joyous occasion of bringing our little one into the world is going to be my very first time spending the night in the hospital, my first time ever being hooked up to medical machines and my first time being in intense pain.
Yep, the reality of all of this is setting in and as my hormones fluctuate, my emotions seem to like to ride the ups and downs. My brain is not enjoying the ride nearly as much. And the wild part is, tomorrow I’ll be totally fine and everything will be completely manageable ;-) Ah, the *fun* part of pregnancy.
So while there is this “dark” side of pregnancy, I’m grateful I can still laugh at my emotions and myself {and for a husband who can talk me off the ledge—sometimes} :-)
Interesting things from pregnancy this week:
- The nursery is underway as we put together a daybed and Mr. Z assembled the dresser/changing table {crib is on its way}
- In 2.5 weeks I’ll head east and get to see my family :-)
- Baby has grown A LOT and I can see him/her move pretty often
- Almost daily I am overwhelmed by the love I feel for this little one that I’ve never met ;-)
I thought I'd show the difference a few weeks can make ;-)
Scenes of Change
Slowly but surely the signs of a new season are sprouting in every corner of our home {not to mention in the various aches of my changing body}. A new year came in with great hope for this little one and the searing pain of great loss. As we prepare our home and our hearts to welcome new life into these walls I can’t help but recognize the tension in dealing with the loss of a great life as well. I can’t quite grasp my head around the love our God has for this little one as I know how much our hearts are already so deeply in love and yet He loves Baby more than we ever will. And as I remember this truth I consider how God loves Christen and her family just that much as well. He rejoices in having one of His own with Him in gory and yet simultaneously He mourns with Joe and the kids and the friends and family struck with grief.
If there is anything that I have become more certain of in this first month of the new year, it is that faith and trust of our God cannot be based on what we see around us nor on how we feel. Faith must come from hearing {reading} the word of God {Romans 10:17}. His ways are a mystery. His ways are a mystery. He is NOT a mystery. He is LOVE.
Love in the fullest and truest sense.
Pure and Unblemished.
Holy, Jealous for us Love.
Sent His only Son to die for us Love.
Sacrificial.
Unconditional.
Everlasting.
As we move forward into the next month of this new year working through the grieving of a life passed and preparing for the joy of new life, my desire to know Him more intimately is at a high point. I have become keenly aware of the character of my God laying the foundation for how I can live in His Love for my family’s benefit, the Church’s benefit, His chidlrens’ benefit and my own.
I write in this space with the desire to bless the reader with hope. I pray my words will bring hope through His Love.
The yearly mark of a new year--loving this beautiful, eco-freindly,
handmade calendar from Rethink Ink Design on Etsy.
Years of serving in the nursery at church came in handy when it was time to put this
together {it's now folded up and tucked away nicely in the nursery}.
Mr. Z tried to move this little item into the nursery for safe keeping,
I asked him to keep in the living room a little longer ;-)Read More
