“Life as a 'Z'”
Documenting a life lived with purpose and the random stuff in between.
This remarkable day
It is a remarkable day for the Z family.
It is a day that God has chosen to show us His goodness, kindness, faithfulness and nearness.
This day a year ago our precious little boy came into the world. We had waited and waited for this incredible day, as the journey to his arrival was an anxiety filled one after I went into preterm labor at 29 weeks. But in God’s timing our little one stayed put until I was induced with him at 38 weeks. It was a wild ride leading up to his birth, but not something we were unfamiliar with {the wild part of the ride that is}.
You see, today is not only significant because our little one was born, but also because it was 10 years ago today that the mister took me out on our very first date.
After all we went through leading up to our son’s birth, his birth date reminds us that God has had a plan for us since before we even knew that our Heavenly Father was laying out the path in front of us.
So although it was a wild seven-year journey from our first date to our wedding day, and strict bed rest for the last trimester of my pregnancy with our little guy, God has been faithful and blessed us with so much more than we could ask or imagine.
When I choose to see Him, the evidence of His hand touching, guiding and molding every part of our lives is abundantly clear. My heart is grateful today.
I do not write consistently AT ALL anymore, but I hope that when I do, as you read you know that God is not a respecter of persons. Meaning, that if He will do this for our little family, you can be confident He will do the same for you.
Read MoreTo my guy and my man,
God has blessed me in incredible ways through the two of you. You provide so much joy in my life and though our journeys have been unique in their own right, I would not change a thing. I am a better woman because of you both and am looking forward to the years ahead of you little guy and where we will find ourselves in the next 10 years Mr. Z.
Love,
Mrs. Z and Mama
Our love. His love.
It’s a wild and crazy sisterhood out there. We may have nothing else in common but the one thing that brings us into the church nursery, to the infant swim lessons, into the PTA meetings. We remember the exact day our lives changed and will share it with each other without hesitation. We desperately try not to loose ourselves in these little ones but it certainly is a battle. We ache for times of quiet and peace, and yet our hearts are never quite as satisfied as when we see their scrunched up little face after a time away.
We’re mothers. We’re generation builders. We’re God’s chosen vessel to nurture and care for the lives He created to do His purposes. We are blessed. We are humbled.
As time goes on into this motherhood thing I’m amazed at how much I love it. It didn’t come right away for me. To be honestly raw, when my son was placed on my chest after he was born I was much more consumed with how painful labor and delivery was than this little precious being now laying on me {God bless those women who can say labor and delivery was the most beautiful thing they ever went through, I am not one of them. When I was done I literally looked at my mom and said I might be getting an epidural next time!}. And as the days went on I couldn’t believe the radical emotions I felt, from love to fear to angst. But as the months have progressed the joy and incredible love I have for this little one have grown in such measure that I never thought possible. I loved him the moment I saw the two pink lines, but this love keeps growing and growing and growing—something I did not anticipate.
As each day goes by I am overcome by the reality that this love I have for our sweet little boy—unconditional, fierce, irreplaceable—pales in comparison to the love the Father has for EACH of His children.
Including me.
If I, a mere human being could love with this capacity, how much MORE does the Father love us? How much more does He beam with delight when we accomplish His purposes? How much more does He hurt when we hurt? How much more does He long for good for our lives?
I am not one to make resolutions each New Year. But I am one who likes to live intentionally. I believe it is what God wants for us. And this year I am choosing faith over fear. If my God could love me the way He does—and I know He does—then what could I possibly fear?
I’m praying for 2013 to be a year of great faith where I trust in the everlasting, all-powerful Almighty who loves me with a love I can only partly understand and believe Him to knock my socks off no matter our circumstances. I hope the same for you too :-) Happy 2013!
Read MoreAnd I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Ephesians three 17 – 19
The Scary Vulnerability of Motherhood
Photo Source
We sat in Starbucks with our babes, only two months apart, sitting on our laps. Two new moms who barely knew each other but the commonality of motherhood was enough to bring us together, any opportunity to get out of the house and talk with another adult.
Her little guy had been a pretty fussy baby but she was starting to reach the place all of us seem to find at some point, when we begin to figure out what the cries mean and what they need. During our last time together I had shared my unintentional discovery that led to our little man sleeping through the night so when we met this time she explained she tried it, it worked and she was never turning back. I was so happy that something was working for her and SHOCKED that something I had discovered worked for someone else. Maybe I’m not too bad at this motherhood thing, I thought.
We continued talking about meal planning with babies, the roles our husbands played in caring for the kiddos and how we were adjusting to these new bodies that we just weren’t familiar with… STILL. I mentioned I would need to leave soon as I hadn’t brought a bottle for Will and the time was approaching his next feeding {I never overcame my fear of nursing in public}. It was then she said something that has stuck with me still today {and this was at least four months ago}, “We’re not on a schedule yet. How did you get on one so quickly?”
And there was the question I was so afraid of being asked. It’s a simple, innocent and harmless question. Yet, it scared the daylights out of me. Why? Because the LAST thing I ever want to do is push a theory, method or idea of parenting on another person AND to be so very honest with myself, I am terrified of being judged for my parenting and the decisions I make {after all, I am my worse critic and certainly don’t need someone from the outside contributing to that criticism}. I know this might be an extreme reaction, but I’m willing to bet that I’m not the only mom out there who has felt this way.
As time has gone by and I’ve thought more and more about why this has been my default reaction, I’ve come to realize this line of thinking, a fear of making a mother feel judged and feeling judged myself is really what has kept me from blogging more as well. Because unlike a project at work where I can quickly and easily measure its success there isn’t any definitive way to know if I’m doing the “right” thing for my baby. And unlike a project at work, there aren’t 900 other PR/Marketing professionals ready to voice their opinion on what I’m doing {at least not in my office}. But in the blogosphere, there are millions upon millions {check out the infographic at the end of this post} of moms out there willing to voice their opinions. Some are helpful and some are hurtful.
But here is what I have come to realize and what I have started to do differently. There are things that have worked with our little man and I happily offer those tips to friends ALWAYS with the caveat, “This worked for us, I don’t know if it will work for you, take it or leave it, but it might help.”
I’m not entirely certain why I am even writing this post other than I have felt a keen sense that I must not be the only one who feels this way {especially in this Pinterest-driven, super mom world}.
I think the most helpful thing for all of us mommas out there is to embrace a spirit of unity, helpfulness and support. What may have worked for me and my little one might not work for my next one and me. And it certainly might not work for you and your little one. Each mom is different and each baby is different, even if they share the same gene pool! I guess my point is, let’s be helpful, but not pushy, let’s accept that there are many ways to do this parenting thing and many different methods have produced quite loving and productive human beings. Let’s be cautious with our words and the way we approach sensitive topics like natural or drug-assisted childbirth, breastfeeding or formula feeding, making your own baby food or buying it, working or staying home, etc.
After all, being a mom is one of the most important things we will ever do and there is an entire sisterhood out there to help us do it the best we can!
Merry Christmas!
I think the phrase better late than never is going to become my new mantra for 2013. Since our little man was born this blog has been on the back burner but now that we’re expecting #2 I really want to try to make it a priority again. It’s such a fun way to document our lives and something I can pull from easily to make photo books for the kiddos as they get older. And that is why I need to embrace tardiness and be okay with it, ‘cuz it really is better to post later than never, right?
I didn’t take many photos at all over Christmas. I am a little bummed but there really isn’t much we could do about it. Our sweet little boy was very sick and we had to go to urgent care on Christmas day to get him checked out. Thankfully they were able to discover the issue and prescribe the proper meds. Simultaneously he was getting his first tooth, so you can imagine the hot little mess he was. Needless to say, our Christmas day photos were not happening. It’s crazy how your heart breaks into a million little pieces when your little one is sick and there isn’t much you can do {believe me, we had humidifiers going, sat in the bathroom with the shower steaming it up, and pretty much bought CVS and it still wasn’t enough}. Both my husband and I felt helpless, but shortly after we got home from urgent care we started the antibiotic and cleared his nose and it seemed like our baby boy was on his way back to us.
The next morning we opened his gifts with him and finally took some Christmas photos. Not only were we excited to capture our little guy more like himself on this milestone day, but we were quite excited to finally make our big news public ;-)
So, a belated but with much meaning Merry Christmas to you and yours!! I hope you were able to enjoy quality time with loved ones and were able to appreciate the significance of the day!
He is near
Photo Source
Like many, I can’t seem to pull myself away from the television wanting to know all there is about the nightmare being played out in a small town much like the one I grew-up in. Many of the shootings that have played out since Columbine (that’s the one that I remember most vividly as the beginning of this horrific type of crime) have rattled my heart. But this one seems to have hit me harder than most.
I find myself praying for them—the parents, the children, the first responders, the community and town as whole, everyone affected—multiple times a day. Tears often follow.
Perhaps it is the fact that I am a mom now to a sweet little boy of my own and I am always thinking of how to protect him.
Perhaps it is the fact that we are considering what small town we should move to from the big city to provide a better place to raise our children.
Perhaps it is because I grew-up in a small Connecticut town just a few miles from Newtown, similarly small and quaint.
Perhaps it is because this tragedy reminds me of the fear that I wrestle with on an ongoing basis: The knowledge that no matter what I do to try to protect my child I am limited.
Perhaps it is because no matter how hard it is to admit, evil does exist. And it comes in many forms.
My heart breaks for the parents of the children, the families of the teachers and the family of the killer. All are victims in this senseless tragedy and my human heart and mind cannot grasp what they must be feeling and thinking right now.
It’s situations like this when I need to turn to His word to know the Truth in the matter. If not, my emotions will tell me what to think and what to believe. And I know that those emotions too, can come from a sinful place, an evil place. But His word is Truth and He tells us He will never leave us nor forsake us. Sometimes that means taking us to Heaven earlier than we might think is right. He tells us that His plans are not to harm us but to prosper us. But He is also clear that we have a real Enemy who is out to steal, kill and destroy and that our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities,against the powersof this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
Today and in the days to come I will continue to pray for these families and the Newtown community. I cannot imagine the pain and gut-wrenching sorrow they are feeling. I hope I never have to, I hope no one else ever has too. But I do know a Healer and Comforter who promises to be near to the broken hearted and to heal the afflicted.
May His peace surround you today and His love abound as He comforts and guides you through this horrific tragedy. May His healing hands embrace each and every heart and bring an everlasting calm to your souls.
Read MoreMerry Christmas Card 2012
I am a creature of habit and it seems that applies to my Christmas cards. I used Tiny Prints again this year for our Merry Christmas mail {I also used them for the babe’s birth announcement}. Love their selection, their customer service and that I often have coupons from them. This year I felt like this card was made just for us :-)
Merry Christmas, love the Z Family!
Dedication
This past Sunday was a very special day for our little family. We dedicated our sweet boy to the Lord. I have always loved baby dedications as I find it so powerful when the parents publicly give their child back to God and promise to raise him in the ways of God—knowing that ultimately the child, when the time comes, will need to make the decision for himself to follow Jesus.
As we stood on the platform at the front of our church and prayed along with our pastor over our sweet boy I was overcome by the reality that I was in the midst of a promise from God unfolding right in front of me. If you have been following my blog at all or know me, then you are aware that I knew with all my heart that when God brought Peter and I together it wasn’t just for us, but also for the generation to come. Sunday was another milestone in the manifestation of that promise.
We don’t know when Will is going to choose to follow Jesus. And there is a possibility he will not. BUT we are praying parents who will raise him to know the Lord and we certainly believe the Holy Spirit is more powerful than anything else on this earth. We are also believing parents that know NOTHING is impossible for God ().
I went to sleep that night both grateful for the gift of being sweet Will’s mother but also with the burden of the knowledge that this is a great responsibility. “Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.” That is no joke. I know my husband and I will be held accountable when we stand in front of our Lord and boy do I want to hear “Well done good and faithful servant.” But even more so, I want to know that my son will hear the same thing on the day he meets his God.
Read MoreCatch-up… Again
It has been a looong time since I last posted and even before then it was quite sporadic. I have this deep longing to keep blogging and actually be consistent with my postings. Literally I think about it EVERY DAY. Yet the reality is I find it SUPER hard to find the time. And it seems to take me an insanely large amount of time to string together a cohesive readable thought :-) All those mommy bloggers out there amaze me. I only have one kiddo and yet you would think I have 10 considering how non-existent my updates are.
But here I am. And I am going to try to write more. Consistency I cannot guarantee but attempting I can {I know that doesn’t help you, but at least I can then set your expectations—nice and low ;-)}.
Frankly, there are a few things I’m still grappling with that have also kept me from posting. Like how much of our little guys life should really be on the In-ter-net. Really, that’s a BIG one to me. So we’ll see what I write, when I write and how much it’s really about him.
But for now, as I work through my own head and convictions, here’s a little update on the Z family.
I take a picture of our sweet little one every month with the same chalk board I used when I was preggers to show how much the belly was growing. I pretty much love it :-)
Other than the babe growing, I left my full-time and started a part time one where I work one day in the office {and the little gets to spend the day with his grandparents} and two half days from home. Frankly it’s a HUGE answer to prayer.
Mr. Z has been working hard and studying even harder for his exams. I am one proud wife!
We celebrated two years of marriage, woohoo!
And we’re gearing up for a spectacular holiday season filled with family. We are seriously blessed to come from two very loving and fun families!
I hope you all are well and I promise to update occasionally, share thoughts sporadically and perhaps give you a glimpse of a photo or two ;-)
Five Minute Friday: Stretch
1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no overthinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join.
3. Go a little overboard in encouraging the writer who linked up before you
Are you ready? What are you waiting for?
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
It’s my first Five Minute Friday in a loooong time and I am so happy to be a part of this again. Love the community behind this and the freedom to just write {even if what I write doesn’t make any sense, ha!}.
STRETCH
Motherhood is stretching. Not only have I learned to stretch, okay perhaps contort is the right word, my body in all sorts of ways; like as I try to change a dirty diaper {and by dirty I mean blow-out} in the dressing room of a clothing store without getting “it” on baby, me or anything else {somehow I think I grew an extra arm in that feat}, or while feeding baby and the television remote or my iPad are just out of reach with my free hand {feet can come in handy at times}; but it is stretching me in mental and spiritual ways that I did not see coming.
Motherhood never ends. Even if you leave the home to work. It never stops. And for a mom like me who has begun her own business from home while raising her first child, stretching is the theme of life.
Must send an email.
Must feed the baby.
Must write a communications plan.
Must bathe the baby.
Must make dinner.
Must play with baby.
Must do the laundry.
Must hold and cuddle baby.
Must follow-up with that person and that person.
Must love on baby.
MUST SPEND TIME WITH MY GOD.
Stretching is par for the course now. It will never stop. Maybe when baby Will is out of the house? Maybe not.
But I tell you, when I think of the most flexible people on earth my thoughts gravitate to ballerinas. So while now the stretching is hard, and I’m not quite as nimble as I’d like to be, if one day the stretching will lead to a fluid and flexible beauty, I’ll embrace the stretching now.
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