God
This remarkable day
It is a remarkable day for the Z family.
It is a day that God has chosen to show us His goodness, kindness, faithfulness and nearness.
This day a year ago our precious little boy came into the world. We had waited and waited for this incredible day, as the journey to his arrival was an anxiety filled one after I went into preterm labor at 29 weeks. But in God’s timing our little one stayed put until I was induced with him at 38 weeks. It was a wild ride leading up to his birth, but not something we were unfamiliar with {the wild part of the ride that is}.
You see, today is not only significant because our little one was born, but also because it was 10 years ago today that the mister took me out on our very first date.
After all we went through leading up to our son’s birth, his birth date reminds us that God has had a plan for us since before we even knew that our Heavenly Father was laying out the path in front of us.
So although it was a wild seven-year journey from our first date to our wedding day, and strict bed rest for the last trimester of my pregnancy with our little guy, God has been faithful and blessed us with so much more than we could ask or imagine.
When I choose to see Him, the evidence of His hand touching, guiding and molding every part of our lives is abundantly clear. My heart is grateful today.
I do not write consistently AT ALL anymore, but I hope that when I do, as you read you know that God is not a respecter of persons. Meaning, that if He will do this for our little family, you can be confident He will do the same for you.
Read MoreTo my guy and my man,
God has blessed me in incredible ways through the two of you. You provide so much joy in my life and though our journeys have been unique in their own right, I would not change a thing. I am a better woman because of you both and am looking forward to the years ahead of you little guy and where we will find ourselves in the next 10 years Mr. Z.
Love,
Mrs. Z and Mama
Our love. His love.
It’s a wild and crazy sisterhood out there. We may have nothing else in common but the one thing that brings us into the church nursery, to the infant swim lessons, into the PTA meetings. We remember the exact day our lives changed and will share it with each other without hesitation. We desperately try not to loose ourselves in these little ones but it certainly is a battle. We ache for times of quiet and peace, and yet our hearts are never quite as satisfied as when we see their scrunched up little face after a time away.
We’re mothers. We’re generation builders. We’re God’s chosen vessel to nurture and care for the lives He created to do His purposes. We are blessed. We are humbled.
As time goes on into this motherhood thing I’m amazed at how much I love it. It didn’t come right away for me. To be honestly raw, when my son was placed on my chest after he was born I was much more consumed with how painful labor and delivery was than this little precious being now laying on me {God bless those women who can say labor and delivery was the most beautiful thing they ever went through, I am not one of them. When I was done I literally looked at my mom and said I might be getting an epidural next time!}. And as the days went on I couldn’t believe the radical emotions I felt, from love to fear to angst. But as the months have progressed the joy and incredible love I have for this little one have grown in such measure that I never thought possible. I loved him the moment I saw the two pink lines, but this love keeps growing and growing and growing—something I did not anticipate.
As each day goes by I am overcome by the reality that this love I have for our sweet little boy—unconditional, fierce, irreplaceable—pales in comparison to the love the Father has for EACH of His children.
Including me.
If I, a mere human being could love with this capacity, how much MORE does the Father love us? How much more does He beam with delight when we accomplish His purposes? How much more does He hurt when we hurt? How much more does He long for good for our lives?
I am not one to make resolutions each New Year. But I am one who likes to live intentionally. I believe it is what God wants for us. And this year I am choosing faith over fear. If my God could love me the way He does—and I know He does—then what could I possibly fear?
I’m praying for 2013 to be a year of great faith where I trust in the everlasting, all-powerful Almighty who loves me with a love I can only partly understand and believe Him to knock my socks off no matter our circumstances. I hope the same for you too :-) Happy 2013!
Read MoreAnd I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Ephesians three 17 – 19
Dedication
This past Sunday was a very special day for our little family. We dedicated our sweet boy to the Lord. I have always loved baby dedications as I find it so powerful when the parents publicly give their child back to God and promise to raise him in the ways of God—knowing that ultimately the child, when the time comes, will need to make the decision for himself to follow Jesus.
As we stood on the platform at the front of our church and prayed along with our pastor over our sweet boy I was overcome by the reality that I was in the midst of a promise from God unfolding right in front of me. If you have been following my blog at all or know me, then you are aware that I knew with all my heart that when God brought Peter and I together it wasn’t just for us, but also for the generation to come. Sunday was another milestone in the manifestation of that promise.
We don’t know when Will is going to choose to follow Jesus. And there is a possibility he will not. BUT we are praying parents who will raise him to know the Lord and we certainly believe the Holy Spirit is more powerful than anything else on this earth. We are also believing parents that know NOTHING is impossible for God ().
I went to sleep that night both grateful for the gift of being sweet Will’s mother but also with the burden of the knowledge that this is a great responsibility. “Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.” That is no joke. I know my husband and I will be held accountable when we stand in front of our Lord and boy do I want to hear “Well done good and faithful servant.” But even more so, I want to know that my son will hear the same thing on the day he meets his God.
Read MoreThe receiving end
Resolute Woman
Have you ever been on the receiving end of a miracle and been so humbled by it because you know deep in the depths of your heart that you didn’t do anything to deserve it?
I haven’t been blogging as much due to our sweet baby boy and all that is required of me to care for him but if I were to be honest, he’s not the entire reason. It has been a hard season of faith for me. Let me explain.
There is a love that has ravaged my heart to the point of fierce protection. It has compelled me to a place of feeling almost super human at times. That might sound nuts, but I’m pretty sure that this love I have could propel me to take out a 300 lb 6 foot 5 man in a matter of seconds. You know, the don’t-you-touch-my-son-or-I-will-break-your-neck kind of strength. And where other women might be humbled by this and get on their knees even more and ask God to equip them for this journey not me, my independent streak has grown and I feel like I can do it all.
But I know, from previous experience mind you, I simply cannot do it all.
I cannot do it alone. I cannot do this life well without the power of the Holy Spirit.
But instead of heaping coals on my head and crushing me with the weight of the things of this world, my Savior performed a miracle. Instead of condemning me for foolishly thinking I could be the wife and mother he’s called me to be in my own strength, he showed Himself through a situation in which there is no way the outcome could have been any other than God Himself.
I am humbled by His mercy and grace.
In a time when to my human logic He has every right to “punish” me, He loves on my family and I and gently but hugely shows us that no matter how we treat Him, He will love us, care for us and provide. This compels me to get on my knees and pray, to read my Bible (His love letter to us), to praise Him in all things and serve Him always.
I can’t say it’s an automatic reflex to land on my knees every morning and open His word. It was at one point in my life. When I knew I needed to leave the house at a certain time to beat traffic and get into the office. A time when much of my responsibility was outside of my home. But now, the bulk of my priorities are in these four walls of our home, taking care of two incredible guys and working from a desk in our cozy living room. Some mornings I know I’ll have time to be with my Savior and others, well if the little one decides to boycott his morning nap, who knows what the day will hold.
In the end though, through this most recent miracle my Savior has gently and lovingly reminded me yet again that He is worthy of all my time and affection. That in Him all things are possible {Matthew 19:26} and He will provide for us. There is simply no need for me to rely on my own strength, because frankly, it just won’t work {Proverbs 3:5-8}.
Read MoreLove is a choice
Love is a choice.
It’s a phrase I’ve heard so many times. And it is a phrase I tend to agree with.
But not entirely.
Having a baby, my sweet Will, has shown me another kind of love. And it certainly is not a choice. It is much more like a reflex. I have no control over it. And I feel like I’ve been blindsided by it.
He has done nothing to earn my love, nothing to make me love him. He just is. And I just LOVE him. With every fiber of who I am. It is a fierce love that when I am not with him for even the shortest period of time I miss him with an intensity I’ve never experienced.
And he has no idea. He has no understanding right now of just how much I love him. Frankly, I don’t know that he ever will. I never understood how much my mom loved me until I brought this little guy into the world. Now I understand. And I am floored.
In this way, love is not a choice. It is the result of God’s design. Only a Father who loves His children unconditionally and without warrant could design a human being to love this way.
This love has given me a small glimpse into God’s love for His children and I will be forever changed. He has enabled me, a fallen woman, to love with depth that I didn’t know was possible. And to think that our God loves us even more.
Oh how He loves us. That He would send His Son for a wretch like me.
Love is a choice. But sometimes it’s a reflex.
Read MoreBed rest workroom?
I thrive on routine. I need to be busy to stay motivated. I get energy from keeping a full schedule and serving others {especially my husband}. The busier I am the better I seem to do.
Eight weeks ago yesterday all that was removed from my life.
Yesterday morning was the first morning I woke-up at the same time as my husband and when I heard the cord of the iron being plugged into the wall I realized I had forgotten to iron his favorite pants. It might seem silly, but I really wanted to iron his pants for him. It has been weeks of not doing anything for anyone else, let alone him, and this was a small thing I could do. I rolled out of bed {because at nine months pregnant you really can only roll} and found him, hugged him and asked if I could iron his pants. He of course was happy to let me do it as it meant he could get ready faster and therefore be at work earlier.
I ironed his pants and made him coffee. And it was wonderful. I mean seriously wonderful. For the first time in eight weeks I felt normal. I was a wife again. I love being Mr. Z’s Mrs. God made this role for me.
When I was first put on bed rest I thought I would take advantage of this time and blog away {among other things}. Simply write and write and write. But if you’ve visited this space with any sort of frequency you know that’s not the case. I manage to bang out the weekly pregnancy milestone entries, but other than that there isn’t really any consistency. There are a variety of reasons for that from not being able to get into a comfortable enough position to even want to attempt to type to frankly, being in a mood where it is simply better to keep my thoughts between me and God. To state the obvious, these last eight weeks have been less than productive.
At the recommendation of a friend I listened to a sermon by Holy Furtik. It is appropriately titled:
“If I have to wait, I’m gonna get to work”
It’s a part of Elevation Church’s newest series, The Waiting Room. Ridiculously appropriate for me huh? {And I’m sure many of you out there as well.} I wish I could say I turned this eight-week waiting room into a workroom, but frankly that’s just not the case. I know none of this time will be wasted as God promises He uses everything for His purposes, but as I listened to this sermon today I knew in my heart there are some serious lessons I need to take into this next season of life.
The phrase “change the waiting room into a work room” was weaved throughout the sermon. And while I don’t feel that’s exactly what I have done these past eight weeks, it is something I must consider in the future and for the remainder of this time.
We are all works in progress and Lord knows this work {pointing at myself} will be in progress until the day I meet my Messiah. Ruth Bell Graham, Billy Graham’s wife, used to say that when she died she wanted her headstone to read:
“End of construction. Thank you for your patience.”
How appropriate.
God’s mercies are new every morning and He has never expected us to be perfect, but He does desire us to be teachable and humbly submitted to Him. After all, we are flawed human beings purposed to bring Him glory. Only He is perfect. But He wants us to seek Him, know Him and allow Him to make us more like Jesus.
So as I near Baby Z’s due date and wait on this little one I’m reflecting on the season where life was put on pause, looking for what God was trying to teach, how He was trying to use me and seeking to be better at it in the future.
Holly brought up three ways to turn your waiting room into a workroom:
- Resist the urge to complain and fill your situation with praise.
- Preoccupy yourself with fulfilling God’s purpose rather than escaping your problem/situation.
- Realize that our detours are often God’s destinations.
I’ll be looking at these questions in light of this season, pondering where I may have put them into play and where I could’ve done better. Hoping to learn for the next time I find myself in a place of pause.
Perhaps this is something you’ve dealt with to? Wondering when life will move on—beyond the current situation you find yourself in?
You might be interested in the sermon too :-)
Read More