legacy
Processing Through Grief
Today is a hard day. And I feel trite even saying it as I know many were much closer to Christen, including her husband and two beautiful children. I was just beginning to get to know this beautiful woman and her family. We’ve been going to the same church for years and about once a month would say to each other “we really need to get coffee some time.” We never did share in that experience.
A few months ago I reached out to her to see if she might want to go for walks with me once a week. Being pregnant my runs needed to cease and since we live a stone’s throw from one another I thought why not see if she would be interested. Two walking at night in the city was surely safer than one.
I must confess: I had an ulterior motive. I wanted to learn from her. Over the many years of attending the same church I watched this beautiful woman walk with grace and dignity through this tough life. She loved and respected her husband in ways that I imagine God intended us wives to love our husbands. But it was the way she walked with God and mothered her children that pierced my heart and grew a desire in me to get to know her.
I knew, just like any other mother of young ones, that it wasn’t always easy. But I also saw this woman reach into the depths of her Abba Father and allow Him to cover her in His grace. Joy radiated from her face, no matter what she was going through. No matter what her children may have been up to. No matter what obstacles they may have faced. And this I observed from the peripheral.
I wanted to spend time walking with her and getting to know her. I wanted to learn how to be a good wife and mother from her. I wanted. I wanted.
The door opened for me to serve her a few weeks ago. I wanted to serve her. I wanted to support her. I wanted to know her. As the migraines, vertigo and hearing loss seemed to worsen I offered to bring dinner over one evening. I even offered to help with anything she needed, including cleaning {which is incredible because Lord knows I’ll even go to the dentist to avoid cleaning my house—unless people are coming over of course}. When I got there the Ringle home was spotless. I pleaded to Joe, “I told her I would clean and do whatever she needs.” He laughed and said, “And she wanted to take you up on it, but she just couldn’t let someone into a messy house.” I thought: I know exactly how she feels.
That evening I shared a meal with her and her family. I will treasure that time for the rest of my life. We talked about marriage, the baby on the way, raising godly kids and what we hoped for in the future. We talked about the potential small group Bible study we wanted to do together and the benefit of living so close to one another. I said goodnight to them and wished them a Merry Christmas.
She wasn’t able to attend service on New Year’s Day and her husband was in the worship band so he asked if Mr. Z and I wouldn’t mind picking up their kids and taking them to church. We secured Hudson and Audrey’s care seats in the back of our small SUV and drove these precious little ones to church. When service was over we gathered them up and brought them home to their mama and their grandma. We didn’t dare venture upstairs to see her, we didn’t want to impose on her when she wasn’t feeling well and we had a lunch to attend that afternoon as well. Grandma met us downstairs and walked Audrey upstairs while my husband carried little Hudson. He helped them into the apartment and we were off. I had to briefly run back in and from the top of the stairs she thanked us. On New Year’s Day I heard her voice for the last time.
We never were able to enjoy those walks together. By the time she and I agreed on day, it was too late. Her health had gotten to a point where she was physically able but the migraine pain and the vertigo made it too difficult.
Today I wrestle through why God would take this dear one while so young and with so much more to give. I wrestle with how a man and children make it through a life without one that they thought they would always have. I wrestle with having missed out on knowing her more deeply.
The Bible says, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called to His purpose.” {Romans 8:28} I KNOW this is TRUTH. And I KNOW God will receive glory in this. But I would be lying if I said I’m completely reconciled to this right now. As I work through it with friends that are also grieving, but most importantly with my God, I am questioning, but trusting Him in that questioning.
Christen is rejoicing with the Angels and has been spared the hurt, pain and fallings of this earth to enter eternity earlier than what we think is “her time.” But His timing in all things is perfect. Some things of God really are a mystery. But even in that, I truly do not believe there is any other option than trusting the One who knit us all in our mothers’ wombs and who created this earth and sovereignly rules over it all.
We all need you Lord, now and always.
Read MoreWill they know us by our love?
I’ve struggled with how to present this well in love, but that is that heart behind this post. In fact, I began this post months ago and a very recent sermon on unity brought it back to mind. Living and working in the world of faith, just like any “world” has its perks and its frustrations. As I grow in my faith and study the Bible and become more familiar with Christian culture and various church cultures, there is something I’ve witnessed that makes me wonder if we’re missing something significant.
I’ve never been one to take a position on a topic that might be even the slightest bit controversial, mostly because I know there are often holes in my argument and frankly, there are so many gray matters and not as many black and white ones. But I write this post in love and hope it at least compels those who read it to consider what I’m proposing.
There’s a song by Christy Nockels titled By Our Love, that brings me joy every time I hear it. Here are the lyrics:
Brothers, let us come together
Walking in the Spirit, there’s much to be done…
We will come reaching, out from our comforts
And they will know us by our love…
Sisters, we were made for kindness
We can pierce the darkness as He shines through us…
We will come reaching, with a song of healing…
And they will know us by our love!
The time is now
Come Church arise…
Love with His hands
See with His eyes…
Bind it around you,
Let it never leave you,
And they will know us by our love…
Children, You are hope for justice,
Stand firm in the Truth now, set your hearts above
You will be reaching, long after we’re gone,
And they will know you by your love!
Isn’t it beautiful? I love how it begins with a charge to the men, then the women, then the church and finally our children, the legacy of our love. It wouldn’t be as beautiful if the order of the verses changed. It’s a stunning picture of what we are called to as the church. Love.
However, I’m afraid this calling gets lost all too often. I saw it as a teenager and I’ve watched it as the years have passed. I’ve witnessed theologies and doctrines divide towns, organizations, ministries, churches and relationships.
Please understand that I am not saying theology and doctrine are not important, bad theology can corrupt the proper view of God. And love doesn’t mean we only consider the peaceful loving messages in the Bible. Love also means working through hard truths that can sometimes be divisive. But when theological beliefs that are not matters of salvation are dividing God’s Kingdom, I think we have a problem. When we stand before Jesus I really believe he will be more concerned with how we united as a body to bring the Good News and make disciples of all nations than if we are Calvinists or Arminiasts, or some other non-essential.
This past weekend one of the members of our Bible study couldn’t make it because she was with her church and six other churches forming a united front. When our Bible study convened sans this member we talked about our church experiences that day. Surprisingly two different churches preached a very similar message about unity amongst the body.
Perhaps these are the rumblings of God’s people uniting under One purpose. Can you imagine the power behind that kind of unity? I believe it could be a little taste of heaven on earth.
John 17 we find Jesus praying {for us!!}:
“My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one— I in them and you in me—so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.
“Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world.
“Righteous Father, though the world does not know you, I know you, and they know that you have sent me. I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them.”
I wonder if Jesus will find the church loving to the point of unity? From my small finite view I see some of this happening, but I also see deep rooted division on issues that I just don’t think are essential. Would it not be incredible to see all God’s churches some together with a common purpose? That doesn’t mean we can’t still hold to “non-essentials” but it would mean we are willing to major on the majors and minor on the minors for the sake of the Kingdom and the purposes of God, not our stubborn human nature. How indescribably awesome would it be to see revival sweep across this world? As Christy Nockels sings:
The time is now
Come Church arise…
Love with His hands
See with His eyes…
Bind it around you,
Let it never leave you,
And they will know us by our love…
Teach us to love, oh Lord, as you have loved us.
Read MoreThe Not-So-Pretty Little Girl Talks
There is an article that has now come across my path a few different times in the past week or so. It’s written by Lisa Bloom and titled How to Talk to Little Girls. In summary, the article is suggesting we should ask girls about their interests, books they are reading, projects in school, or opinions on issues in the world rather than comment on their looks, which tends be our initial ice-breaking approach with little girls.
When I first read Joanna Goddard’s take on it, thanks to a friend’s tweet, I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. And then when I saw the original article come across my Tweetdeck and I still couldn’t figure out why it bothered me I got to thinking. After some random thoughts went through my head I figured out why. They must have been beautiful little girls. Seriously (and maybe joking a little but…) Now, that’s not to say I am writing off the contents of this article, that’s definitely not the case. In fact I think there is a ton of merit to what they are advocating. But what I will say is, if you see a little girl who isn’t so cute, tell her she is.
Case and point:
Onto the real issue: I’m afraid that let’s say we as the world put more emphasis on brains and neglect beauty. What will happen next? I wonder if then we begin breading an even more intense battle (because we know there already is one) between the beautiful and the smart. And this could be dangerous. Because frankly, I was the ugly and not smart kid. I wasn’t dumb but I was pretty average (heck, I’m still average and I’m quite okay with that). So where will that kid fall? Get lost in the middle of the battle and not know her place?
What if instead we showed girls their identity lies in Christ alone? What if we showed them how they are fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of their Creator God? The All Powerful, All Mighty, God of the universe? What then might we have on our hands?
What if we told them they are beautiful and they are smart? And not because of the world’s standards and ideas of beauty and intellect but because God made them that way?
I would venture to bet (if I were a betting woman of course which I am not) that we would have some pretty incredible little girls, young women and older women contributing in a positive and healthy way to this world.
I was made fun of, sexually harassed and came home crying nearly every day after school for a number of years. Would it have helped to have been asked my interests and had thought provoking conversations to stimulate my pre-teen brain? I absolutely think so. I also think it would have been beneficial to have been encouraged in the looks department too (even if it was a lie).
It is hard to be a girl. And it’s really hard to be a not-so-attractive one. And even harder to be a not-so-attractive one who isn’t smart enough or witty enough to sling some I’m-smarter-and-funnier-than-you-anyway comebacks to the mean kids.
But what if what the mean kids said didn’t matter because I knew I was made in the image of my Creator? What if I was equipped to filter those biting, heart searing comments through the lens of my Abba Father’s love? I wonder if some of my choices later in life would have been different. I wonder if I wouldn’t have been such a timid child. Perhaps I would have found my adventurous spirit before the age of 27? I wonder.
One thing is for sure, I don’t want to see this next generation of little girls looking back at 31 and wondering the same things I am. So the next time you see a little girl and have the opportunity to strike up a dialogue, don’t be afraid to tell her she’s pretty and to ask her about her interests. Help her see she is unique in beauty and brains. But be sure to tell her why.
I might consider banning Barbie when I have kids, but we’ll see once we’re there :-)
If I could think and write like this 13 year old at her age I wonder what my life would be like.
Here’s an interesting perspective from a mama who ditched the painted face for her little girl.
Read Morea looong explanation
**warning, you may want to stand-up while reading this post so you don’t nod off in the middle of it as it breaks the “blogging rule” of short, sweet and succint pretty stinkin’ well**
The other day I read a blog post on a friend’s blog titled why blog if no one reads it and thought to myself when I finished reading, well said—rather, well written. I may have secretly envied her way with words but that’s between the Lord and me ;-)
I often ask myself why do I blog and I can’t EVER seem to articulate it properly. But I think that’s because sometimes I struggle with it myself. I wrestle with am I really blogging for the glory of the Lord in everyday life or just so I can say what’s on my mind?
Do I really care about who reads it?
Do I care too much about who reads it?
Do I really have anything of importance or significance to say?
Do I really want to grow as a writer or am I just hoping to “casually” write and one day I’ll be pricked with unimaginable creativity and suddenly I’ll be another blogger who becomes an author? Highly unlikely.
I hope to grow as a writer (and when I say grow I mean by leaps and bounds, I’m quite aware of my 5th grade writing level, which is ironic since I work in public relations…I digress) but let’s be honest; I’m fascinated with the stories of bloggers turned authors. Most of the time the blogger has simply written about her life in such a way that people engage and relate to her as if she’s sitting on the couch in their own living room talking to them directly.
There’s a part of me that wishes my life was that cool that someone would want to eavesdrop on it. Secretly I like to think it is. But frankly, I know it’s not. Not. At. All. For example, it is 9:45 on a Thursday night and what have I done?
Stayed at work late for no good reason really.
Ate a mismatched dinner of cucumber rolls and left over spinach & artichoke dip.*
Made mashed potatoes for tomorrow night’s dinner (by the way, while peeling the potatoes I remembered why I loathe making this dish).
And am deliberately “practicing” writing (I read today to become a better writer I need to write, write and write more) so I don’t have to put the clean laundry away that is neatly hanging over the end of our bed so it doesn’t get wrinkled. Who cares that it’s been hanging there since SUNDAY. I’m practicing writing.
Exciting stuff. Yes. I know.
Clearly my thrilling everyday life is not the reason I blog. Shortly after I read my friend’s post I took a jaunt down blogging memory lane and it was on the journey I discovered why I blog.
Check this out:
it’s a funny thing when you look back how even when you aren’t asking for it, God manages to order each and every step. in college i fell in love with the city upon first glance. i called home and said, “i’m going to live in chicago when i graduate!” it was tough finding a job but, after “tactfully stalking” the CEO of my former agency, i landed an internship and eventually was hired on full-time. thankfully i have very supportive parents who let me pack up my car and drive from connecticut to an unknown city for a less than guaranteed opportunity. when i got here i lived in a one bedroom apartment with a very gracious sorority sister of mine. little did we know, that was the beginning of an unbelievable friendship and a roommate adventure that spanned over four years! the Lord opened many doors and opportunities that just kept telling me this is where i was supposed to be. i don’t know what the next four years will bring but i do know that if when i didn’t even acknowledge my God He was taking care of me, how much more will He now- praise the Lord! 2006 was a year of amazing growth, good and tough- none of which was documented. this is my blog- a place to document my 2007.
That’s the “about” section of my very first blog the Joy is in the Journey.
And THIS is why I blog. In the last four years since I began documenting this life, my thoughts, challenges, joys, loves, hurts and such, A LOT has happened. AND I remember almost ALL of it. Even the times when I didn’t post an entry or went for periods of no posting, the absence even reminds me of what was going on—which yes, can be scary at times. I think that if I didn’t have the faith and trust in God that I do it might overwhelm me but that’s the beautiful thing about it… having it all documented never allows me to forget how He has showed-up in mighty and magnificent ways. And Lord willing, when others see/read Him working in my life it will encourage them too! Check it out, over the past four years here are some of the major highlights either documented or left out:
I got engaged
I experienced the worst heartbreak of my life to date, we ended our engagement
I worked through deep profound sadness (this took a looong time)
My best friend/roommate got married and I stood in her wedding
I lived alone for the first time in my life
I learned to climb resulting in my first alpine climb and attempted summit of Mt. Rainier where I believed for the first time there was a plan for my life
I bought a car for the first time
I fell in love with my Savior
I discovered Beth Moore (life-changing!)
I ran a half marathon or two
I visited Europe, Mexico, Costa Rica, Colorado
I began studying the Bible and leading Bible studies
Experienced first-hand crisis communications at its best
Got engaged again :-)
Planned a wedding in three months
Got married!
Whew! And that’s just a small list. I forgot to mention the break-ins and the roomy I gained before Mr. Z came around who turned into the very best friend I could have asked for.
So that’s why I blog. To remember what God has done, show His goodness and His faithfulness and to get all those wild and crazy thoughts of mine out of my head and into something somewhat constructive—although I guess the constructive part is somewhat debatable.
If you made it to the end of this post, you deserve a medal! In the weeks to come I plan to practice my writing, which means, Lord willing there will be many more posts to come. Thanks for bearing with me, reading all this stuff and joining me on the journey!
*Disclaimer: Mr. Z is in the middle of tax season so I’m back to cooking for one and really, I HATE cooking for one. So more often than not I don’t cook and end up eating weird combination of food.
Read Moreremember
i was driving to wok listening to accounts of the challenger shuttle explosion. i was a little girl, in kindergarten i think, but i remember it vividly. i thought i’d post president reagan’s speech from that night.
Ladies and gentlemen, I’d planned to speak to you tonight to report on the state of the Union, but the events of earlier today have led me to change those plans. Today is a day for mourning and remembering. Nancy and I are pained to the core by the tragedy of the shuttle Challenger. We know we share this pain with all of the people of our country. This is truly a national loss. Nineteen years ago, almost to the day, we lost three astronauts in a terrible accident on the ground. But we’ve never lost an astronaut in flight; we’ve never had a tragedy like this. And perhaps we’ve forgotten the courage it took for the crew of the shuttle. But they, the Challenger Seven, were aware of the dangers, but overcame them and did their jobs brilliantly. We mourn seven heroes: Michael Smith, Dick Scobee, Judith Resnik, Ronald McNair, Ellison Onizuka, Gregory Jarvis and Christa McAuliffe. We mourn their loss as a nation together.
For the families of the seven, we cannot bear, as you do, the full impact of this tragedy. But we feel the loss, and we’re thinking about you so very much. Your loved ones were daring and brave, and they had that special grace, that special spirit that says, “Give me a challenge, and I’ll meet it with joy.” They had a hunger to explore the universe and discover its truths. They wished to serve, and they did. They served all of us. We’ve grown used to wonders in this century. It’s hard to dazzle us. But for 25 years the United States space program has been doing just that. We’ve grown used to the idea of space, and perhaps we forget that we’ve only just begun. We’re still pioneers. They, the members of the Challenger crew, were pioneers.
And I want to say something to the schoolchildren of America who were watching the live coverage of the shuttle’s takeoff. I know it is hard to understand, but sometimes painful things like this happen. It’s all part of the process of exploration and discovery. It’s all part of taking a chance and expanding man’s horizons. The future doesn’t belong to the fainthearted; it belongs to the brave. The Challenger crew was pulling us into the future, and we’ll continue to follow them.
I’ve always had great faith in and respect for our space program, and what happened today does nothing to diminish it. We don’t hide our space program. We don’t keep secrets and cover things up. We do it all up front and in public. That’s the way freedom is, and we wouldn’t change it for a minute. We’ll continue our quest in space. There will be more shuttle flights and more shuttle crews and, yes, more volunteers, more civilians, more teachers in space. Nothing ends here; our hopes and our journeys continue. I want to add that I wish I could talk to every man and woman who works for NASA or who worked on this mission and tell them: “Your dedication and professionalism have moved and impressed us for decades. And we know of your anguish. We share it.”
There’s a coincidence today. On this day 390 years ago, the great explorer Sir Francis Drake died aboard ship off the coast of Panama. In his lifetime the great frontiers were the oceans, and an historian later said, “He lived by the sea, died on it and was buried in it.” Well, today we can say of the Challenger crew: Their dedication was, like Drake’s, complete.
The crew of the space shuttle Challenger honored us by the manner in which they lived their lives. We will never forget them, nor the last time we saw them, this morning, as they prepared for their journey and waved goodbye and “slipped the surly bonds of earth” to “touch the face of God.”
Read Morelegacy
i’m sitting in the airport after an emotional 24 hours that ended in joy.
a dear friend of my husband’s since childhood unexpectedly lost his father sunday. last night was the wake and today was the funeral. we’re pretty wiped and all we did was show our support by being present. this death hit me hard. i think because it was so unexpected, because i just adore my husband’s friend and his entire family, because it’s the first tough thing we’ve experienced as a married couple and because it’s christmas.
i cried a lot today. i got pretty angry at points. and i watched. i watched this man’s family. i learned about this man’s legacy. and i left the day challenged to think about the legacy i’m making. the legacy we’ll make as a family.
i did not have the privilege of spending much time with him. and i’m rather saddened by that. i’m grateful for him though. for his family and what i got to witness today. his oldest son spoke about how you can tell a lot about a man by how he fathers. and i believe there is a lot of truth to that. he fathered well. he gave, he loved and he lived well with five incredible children and nine beautiful grandchildren to prove it.
his wake had a steady stream of people for six hours, at times the line was out the door. at the luncheon today his niece asked everyone to stand who had ever been helped by john, pretty much the entire room stood.
i’m challenged by his life and to really consider what i want to leave behind. what will our family look like? will we serve the Lord well and love people with the love of Christ so that one day it will be said that our lives glorified the Lord? they said john loved people like Christ loves people. i pray we love like that.
Read More
