marriage
A New Blogging Endeaver
What do you write on a blog that’s titled Start Marriage Right when you’ve only been married for a hot second? This is what I’ve been asking myself as I embark into this new endeavor. Starting this week I’ll begin contributing on a monthly basis to the blog on www.StartMarriageRight.com and perhaps more as time goes on.
If there is anything I learned in the journey leading to marriage it was probably more what NOT to do than what to do. In fact, when the prospect of writing in this space came my way my husband and I joked that we could probably fill the pages of a book with what not to do, but a book about what to do might be quite a different story.
You see we met as young, naïve and faithless 22-year olds. I had just graduated from college and he had one more semester left. But when we met we didn’t even know that much about each other, we just each thought the other was quite attractive. It was Memorial Day weekend and he had come down to Indianapolis to visit a mutual friend of ours and we were ready to party with whoever walked in the door.
At the end of the weekend he left to go back to Chicago. I left for my parents’ home in Connecticut. Neither of us thought we would see the other again.
By the time I was 22 I had known the Lord briefly in high school but after a year at Indiana University I began to subscribe to the universal god theory. My husband had been raised in a religious home but had never explored his faith as his own and pretty much knew the routine without a relationship.
In the 10 years that followed our first encounter I moved to the Windy City, we began dating and after two and a half years we broke-up. God ravaged our hearts while apart and we got back together and got engaged. At the time, that was not God’s plan. We broke off our engagement, experienced the worst heartbreak we had ever known and swore off the other. But God had a plan and even we could not thwart it. As only the One true redeeming God could do, He restored what we destroyed, redeemed a boy and a girl and He brought us back together in His perfect timing to make a covenant with Him and each other for the rest of our lives.
We had no idea when we met that weekend in May 2002 that our God would take us on the most incredible journey that would culminate with welcoming our first child into the world 10 years later to the month.
So, it is with the knowledge of my redeeming God, who He is and what He has done for us that I write in this new space. And by His grace I pray He can use what I’ve learned to help others begin their marriage well. I’m just an imperfect girl whose prayer is that the God of all grace and redemption can use the little bit I’ve learned of Him and our beautifully flawed story to bring glory to His name and prevent others from having to “learn the hard way.”
His word says that He will use the foolish things of this world to shame the wise {1 Corinthians 1:27} and so I trust that He can use this broken yet redeemed vessel.
I hope you’ll stop by Start Marriage Right sometime and find something helpful in your journey.
Read MoreA little dream
I painted my nails this past weekend one of those super dark colors that were pretty “hot” last fall/winter. I have no idea if it’s still cool and I’m guessing it’s probably not as I’ve never been one who is on top of the trends. While I painted my nails I was reminded of this time last year and the busy wedding planning season it was for us.
A year later there is a different kind of hectic from the busyness of two lives becoming one. Schedules overlapping, obligations we share and obligations that are each our own, ideas and thoughts on the future and questions as to how we’ll get there.
This past Saturday we went to a wedding and the only people we knew were the bride and groom. At dinner we met two lovely couples at our table but as dessert came and went they left to head home or mingle with others. And there we sat, just the two of us. I was tired and after a while I asked Mr. Z if he was ready to go home. He asked me why and I said because I was quite tired. He asked, “Can’t we stay a little longer? I like sitting here with you. I’m enjoying hanging out with you here and now.”
Growing up I was blessed to have parents that were totally head over heels in love with each other. And I remember watching them. I remember seeing how my dad adored my mom. As a little girl I dreamed that one day someone might adore me that way.
Saturday evening I was reminded of the little girl’s dream and so very grateful for the blessing of my husband.
What I didn’t know as a little girl but what I know now is I was longing for the love of my Savior. Since I’ve found Him, it has made the love from my husband all the better.
Ephesians 5:25 – Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…
If you are waiting to meet the one that God has chosen for you, wait until He brings him. His perfect timing will bring the blessing you long for. We had no idea were on a seven year journey when we met, but neither of us would change a thing. The waiting can be agonizing at times {sometimes for a looooong time} but I can assure you it is worth waiting for. And to those who live with their blessing, remember:
Proverbs 31:12 – She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.
And no matter where you find yourself, don’t forget:
Read MoreEcclesiastes 3:11 – He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.
Tents, s’mores and boats
We took off this weekend with little planned. We had the lines drawn but the color choice was ours. As we drove to a little known rustic campground all that mattered was we were heading into the unknown together—God’s creation for man to enjoy and we had no other plan than to simply enjoy.
Oh Michigan, I think we’ll be back soon.
To never leave
via Eighteen 25
I thought I would share a little story to encourage you to stick to your convictions, no matter how hard or tempting it might be to throw them out the door sometimes {like giving up on serving your boss with grace and respect when he hands you another project after you’ve told him repeatedly that you’re not sure how you can take on anything else; or your child is making a scene in public and it’s just been one of those days and hauling off on them might feel like the only remedy to the situation; or when those shoes that you’ve been eyeing for months just won’t go on sale and you can convince yourself that the I-will-be-debt-free-in-a-year plan can wait}. I believe that more often that not, when we stick to our guns, His incredible blessings will follow.
I’ll never forget the first night home from our honeymoon. We had traveled virtually all day from Hawaii to LA to Chicago. We were pretty tired but we still had this joy and excitement about us. The thing was, we knew the fun had just begun. We lugged our suitcases up the stairs into our new home. New because just 10 days earlier it was my home. Now it was our home.
We walked through the front door and stood in the living room. Could this be for real?
After months and months of saying good night at the end of an evening, talking on the phone as one of us continued home from dropping the other off, could it really be no one was leaving?
Yep. It sure was.
Mr. Z held me in our new home. I lifted my head to meet his eyes and smiled at him. He said, “I’m not walking out that door tonight. I’m never leaving again.”
I had never been so grateful that we had stuck to our convictions, no matter how hard and tempting it was at times not to. We had a wonderful time in Hawaii and loved our honeymoon, but now, even real life, mundane daily things were a blessing because we had waited to make our home and believed in God’s plan for us. The sustaining grace and perfect strength of our ever loving and caring Father in Heaven had brought us to this beautiful place.
Read MoreHave a peak
Things I love about being married to Mr. Z:
Dancing like a fool because no one but the spouse is looking [guess who was dancing]
Head bobbing to commercials because only the spouse will think it’s funny
Jointly psycho-analyzing the bachelorette and the dysfunctional relationships (don’t judge)
All the blessings of everyday life with my best friend.
Read More
Custom-made best
When I think of him I’m overwhelmed.
When I see him I’m overcome.
When I dream of his future I’m excited.
When I consider where we’ve come from, I’m humbled. Utterly and completely.
I’m humbled to my core.
I was warned before we got married that marriage is God’s greatest sharpening tool. I was told it will force me to look in the mirror and come face-to-face with the uglies that I had been able to bury for years. I have seen bits and pieces of this over the short time we’ve been married. But what has humbled me just as much is the lack of faith I had prior to getting married.
Please do not hear me wrong, I knew God had good things in store for us. He is not one to waste anything and I knew then as much as I know now that our journey will be used to bring Him glory. I also believed that with all we had been through He would bless this union abundantly. And I knew before we got married that as much as God is in the disciplining business He is also the Ultimate Blessing Giver. Our marriage would be a great blessing. I knew that.
Looking back though, I did not have the faith that believed God for the best in this marriage. I knew it would be good. But I can’t say I believed it would be the best. And I don’t mean the best as in my-marriage-is-better-than-yours kind of best (that’s silly, ignorant and there’s no room for that in this life), but in the my-marriage-is -God’s-perfect-design-for me-and-what-God wants-for-me kind of best.
I struggled with intense fears that were fed by a few factors: we had been engaged once before and it didn’t work out then so why would it work now; we had a not-so-pretty-past so could I really trust him; and, I am a perfectionist by nature so I pretty much had this unattainable set of standards for what marriage should look like before we walked down the aisle.
I don’t know exactly when the switch turned on. But in the recent months I have gained a new appreciation for the most wonderful blessing I have been given thus far in my life, my Mr. Z. We were almost cheated of a honeymoon phase due to tax season creeping up on us two short months after we got married. So perhaps we are in the honeymoon phase now… but I would venture to bet that this is a new level of intimacy and understanding with each other and with the Lord. And I am so excited for how this will grow over the years.
Recently we made our very first serious decision as a married couple—one of those BIG life decisions, and I think that has a lot to do with it. We went into this process intentionally seeking to come together rather than let it tear us apart. And the Lord has blessed that desire more than my feeble brain could have imagined. (That’s not to say I haven’t had my fair share of [WAY MORE than Mr. Z] I’m-sorry-I-shouldn’t-bite-your-head-off-about-this moments.)
We’re still in the process of this decision and as we learn to walk through these difficult seasons together, I’m seeing more and more of the best in this blessing the Lord has given me.
Oh Lord, help my unbelief! May I become a woman who ALWAYS believes that her God’s good is more than good, it is custom-made best.
