trust
We Request Your Prayers
I sent this email to a bunch of our family members {and I apologize now to any I might have missed, my brain is a little foggy} and thought it best to share it here as well. We covet your prayers right now as we trust our faithful and loving God with our lives and our little Baby Z.
Hi Family :-)
I think many of you have heard already but Peter and I wanted to let you all know what’s going on with us and Baby Z and the detour we’ve had to take as we would appreciate all the prayers in the world right now. We were admitted to the hospital yesterday around noon as I was dilated 3 cm and having contractions. We spent the next 24 hours trying to subdue the contractions and prevent any more dilating.
I continued to dilate to 4 cm but praise God, they were able to keep me from dilating anymore and I am now officially stabilized. My doctors have determined that the best course of action is for me to remain in the hospital on bed rest until our little one arrives. There is no way to predict when the baby will come, we have to simply take each day at a time.
Thankfully, God has kept our little one happy and healthy. S/he is moving around quite a bit and has a super strong {and beautifully sounding} heartbeat. We just need my body to stop thinking it’s time for us to meet this little one face to face. I’m at 29 weeks and 2 days and we would like to be full term of course, but we’ll settle for 34/35 as that’s when the lungs are in best shape.
So we ask you all to please keep us in your prayers. As you may have already concluded, it is also tax season, not the ideal time for a child to be born to an accountant ;-) But truly, we are trusting God in all of this. We have such a peace and trust in His will and His perfect plan. We know He loves this baby even more than we do {thought I must admit it is quite hard for me to grasp that!} and will do what is best for us and for the little one inside of me.
Thank you for all your love and support. As you guys know, our faith brought us to the altar {after a bit of drama :-)} and as we have seen the power of prayer bring our lives together we know He will use prayer to bring us all through this.
Love you all!
Lindsey & Peter
Read More23 Weeks
Tuesday marked 23 weeks but if you’ve been following me on Facebook, Twitter or here in this space you know this hasn’t been the easiest week. I even debated whether to post anything about my pregnancy this week, but something in me is just burning too. And I think it’s the Holy Spirit.
There are times when I process things better through writing and usually that’s when God uses what I’m writing to minister to others {in addition to me}. I receive so much joy when He does that {it also helps me to feel like I’m not alone in my thoughts, prayers and concerns}.
For months prior to this week and the tragic loss yet glorious promotion of our dear sister Christen, God had been pressing His finger on a deeply rooted fear of mine. Before Mr. Z and I were married I struggled with a deep fear that our seven year journey towards Him and eventually marriage would be wasted because God was going to take my husband away from me. I had no rational reason to think this way. But I remember thinking, “Please don’t bring us into marriage, a lifelong commitment, and then just rip him out of my arms. Lord, I don’t think I could bear it.” I even wondered at times, why should I get married and invest my life in someone, if You might just take him away?
When we found out we were pregnant that fear, which had been lying dormant for months came to life again. I even remember one day raising my voice at my husband as he protested wearing a bicycle helmet on his ride to meet a friend for breakfast. All I could think of was him getting hit by a car and me being left with our little one to raise him/her alone. It was an intense, emotional and deep fear.
As I wrestle through Christen’s death and that her husband and children are living out the fear I have held for so long, my heart deeply breaks for them.
I’m reminded of a Beth Moore study I did a few years ago. In Believing God she asked us to identify our deepest fear and complete a sentence, I need to go back to it to find the exact sentence but it was something like this:
Even if {INSERT DEEPEST FEAR} I will trust You God and believe You God.
Believe what? That You are Good. That You are Faithful. That You are in Control. That You Love me. That I will survive and You will Keep me.
I’ve been asking myself, do I TRULY believe these things of God? In the deep crevices of my being, do I believe this?
At 23 weeks pregnant, at this very point in my life this is what I am wrestling with. But as I wrestle my prayer is not will you answer God? It is please enable me to trust that even if my deepest fear comes true You will have me, hold me, guide me, comfort me and supply all I need. THIS is my prayer for Christen’s husband Joe as well. And as I watch him and hear of his response to this situation I am certain he KNOWS this.
And the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. {1 Peter 5:10}
Interesting things from pregnancy this week:
- Dresses are super comfortable.
- Pretty sure the bella band will need to be retired soon.
- Heartburn is of the devil.
- Slowly making my way through our registry.
- Still really enjoying being pregnant :-)
Processing Through Grief
Today is a hard day. And I feel trite even saying it as I know many were much closer to Christen, including her husband and two beautiful children. I was just beginning to get to know this beautiful woman and her family. We’ve been going to the same church for years and about once a month would say to each other “we really need to get coffee some time.” We never did share in that experience.
A few months ago I reached out to her to see if she might want to go for walks with me once a week. Being pregnant my runs needed to cease and since we live a stone’s throw from one another I thought why not see if she would be interested. Two walking at night in the city was surely safer than one.
I must confess: I had an ulterior motive. I wanted to learn from her. Over the many years of attending the same church I watched this beautiful woman walk with grace and dignity through this tough life. She loved and respected her husband in ways that I imagine God intended us wives to love our husbands. But it was the way she walked with God and mothered her children that pierced my heart and grew a desire in me to get to know her.
I knew, just like any other mother of young ones, that it wasn’t always easy. But I also saw this woman reach into the depths of her Abba Father and allow Him to cover her in His grace. Joy radiated from her face, no matter what she was going through. No matter what her children may have been up to. No matter what obstacles they may have faced. And this I observed from the peripheral.
I wanted to spend time walking with her and getting to know her. I wanted to learn how to be a good wife and mother from her. I wanted. I wanted.
The door opened for me to serve her a few weeks ago. I wanted to serve her. I wanted to support her. I wanted to know her. As the migraines, vertigo and hearing loss seemed to worsen I offered to bring dinner over one evening. I even offered to help with anything she needed, including cleaning {which is incredible because Lord knows I’ll even go to the dentist to avoid cleaning my house—unless people are coming over of course}. When I got there the Ringle home was spotless. I pleaded to Joe, “I told her I would clean and do whatever she needs.” He laughed and said, “And she wanted to take you up on it, but she just couldn’t let someone into a messy house.” I thought: I know exactly how she feels.
That evening I shared a meal with her and her family. I will treasure that time for the rest of my life. We talked about marriage, the baby on the way, raising godly kids and what we hoped for in the future. We talked about the potential small group Bible study we wanted to do together and the benefit of living so close to one another. I said goodnight to them and wished them a Merry Christmas.
She wasn’t able to attend service on New Year’s Day and her husband was in the worship band so he asked if Mr. Z and I wouldn’t mind picking up their kids and taking them to church. We secured Hudson and Audrey’s care seats in the back of our small SUV and drove these precious little ones to church. When service was over we gathered them up and brought them home to their mama and their grandma. We didn’t dare venture upstairs to see her, we didn’t want to impose on her when she wasn’t feeling well and we had a lunch to attend that afternoon as well. Grandma met us downstairs and walked Audrey upstairs while my husband carried little Hudson. He helped them into the apartment and we were off. I had to briefly run back in and from the top of the stairs she thanked us. On New Year’s Day I heard her voice for the last time.
We never were able to enjoy those walks together. By the time she and I agreed on day, it was too late. Her health had gotten to a point where she was physically able but the migraine pain and the vertigo made it too difficult.
Today I wrestle through why God would take this dear one while so young and with so much more to give. I wrestle with how a man and children make it through a life without one that they thought they would always have. I wrestle with having missed out on knowing her more deeply.
The Bible says, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called to His purpose.” {Romans 8:28} I KNOW this is TRUTH. And I KNOW God will receive glory in this. But I would be lying if I said I’m completely reconciled to this right now. As I work through it with friends that are also grieving, but most importantly with my God, I am questioning, but trusting Him in that questioning.
Christen is rejoicing with the Angels and has been spared the hurt, pain and fallings of this earth to enter eternity earlier than what we think is “her time.” But His timing in all things is perfect. Some things of God really are a mystery. But even in that, I truly do not believe there is any other option than trusting the One who knit us all in our mothers’ wombs and who created this earth and sovereignly rules over it all.
We all need you Lord, now and always.
Read MoreBelieve
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I’m not sure how long I have been doing this for now, but around Christmas time I read the accounts of the Christmas story in Matthew and Luke non-stop for my devotions in the morning. You might think that gets a little boring, but it really doesn’t. One of the things I love most about the Bible is that you can read the same story over and over and a new truth might be revealed to you or your heart can be dramatically reminded of one you learned a few seasons ago.
That’s where I found myself recently, being reminded of a beautiful truth God revealed to me in the Christmas story years ago. I hope I can do it justice in this space today, as it is so very powerful.
In Luke 1 we are first introduced to the priest Zechariah and his wife Elizabeth {Elizabeth being the cousin of Mary, the mother of Jesus}. The Bible explains that there will be one who will go before the Savior and make the way for him so how fitting for Luke to begin his narrative introducing the future parents of the one to go before the Lord.
For those who do not know the story, Zechariah was chosen to bring the incense into the temple for burning while all the rest waited outside and worshipped. While he was in the temple an angel of the Lord appeared to him and told him to not be afraid, but that his wife will bear him a son and he is to call him John. The angel explains how his son will make the way for the Savior.
This is a BIG deal. And not just because an Angel is speaking to Zechariah but also because Elizabeth is barren and they are both quite old. So Zechariah questions the angel {side note: can you imagine being in the presence of an angelic being and questioning what it’s saying to you? I think I would just be standing there in awe with jaw on the ground… but maybe that’s just me}.
Zechariah says, “How can this be? I am old and my wife is too.”
The angel, whose name is Gabriel, becomes greatly offended {I think I would to if I were him, he just gave Zechariah the best news the guy could have asked for as he and Elizabeth have wanted a child}. So Gabriel says to Zechariah, “I am Gabriel. I stand in the presence of God, and I have been sent to speak to you and tell you this good news. And now you will be silent and not able to speak until the day this happens, because you did not believe my words, which will come true at their proper time.”
Zechariah is unable to speak for quite some time. Everything happens as the angel told Zechariah it would. And when John is born, Zechariah’s voice comes back.
This story is remarkable to me and speaks to how little control we really have over things. You see, I have written in the margin of my Bible right next to this story:
“Even in Zechariah’s unbelief God was still going to do what He said He would do.”
And that is the beauty of this story. Contrast Zachariah’s response to the angel with Mary’s and we see two very different postures before the Lord, but we also see two of the very same outcomes.
What the Lord has destined to happen will happen despite our unbelief.
Now, I’m not encouraging unbelief, on the contrary, I’m trying to encourage great belief no matter how radical or crazy the promise that God has given us may seem. But I do want us to see that His promises are NOT contingent on our belief.
I can specifically remember, while waiting for God to bring my husband, that there must be something wrong with me or I must not be doing something right as I see all these other women being blessed with men in their lives and yet I was not.
It was this story that helped me see His plan will unfold in His timing for His purposes and in His perfection. His plans were not contingent upon me, in that, as long as my heart was surrendered to Him and I desired His will above mine, His promises were going to come true.
Did I trust Him?
Did I trust His timing?
Did I trust that He is ALL POWERFUL and I am not.at.all?
Zechariah had a deep desire in his heart to have a child and be a father. I wonder if he had a hard time believing the angel because it was such a deep desire and it seemed it would never come true. I believe that was part of my problem. And being a little bit of a control freak at times {I might be exaggerating on the little} of course my husband coming into the picture was contingent upon me.
But you see, God wasn’t asking Zechariah to DO anything, but to just trust in the truth. He lost his voice for months because of his unbelief, but his unbelief could not stop God’s plan.
Whatever you are waiting on God for today, do not give up. And don’t think that you have enough power to thwart His plans. Seek to believe and trust and know that His timing is perfect. His plans will be fulfilled—we cannot stop Him. We can choose to believe and watch Him move in ways we could never imagine and be a part of His plan, allowing our voices to be used for His glory in the process. And remember, His truth is He will work all things out for the good of those He has called. Believe today.
Believe.
Read MoreThe benefit of weird habits
I have this very strange habit of clicking on links from tweets, e-mails, whatever, and letting tab after tab open in my Mozilla Firefox browser and then forgetting about these oh-so-very-important articles/devotionals/new studies. I’ll let them sit there for weeks on end before I finally go back and “clean house.” If you didn’t know, Firefox has this great feature when you close the browser it asks you if you’d like to save all the tabs you have open. And I of course always click yes.
Well, this weird habit of mine actually proved useful today as I was cleaning house and stumbled upon this blog post through The Gospel Coalition. I must have opened it a couple weeks ago but today it seems even more relevant and timely than it would have been then. I wish I could say I read this prayer and suddenly felt better about the season of change I think I am in, see I’m not even totally sure it’s a season of change, but I don’t. But I do know there is TRUTH in this devotion and while I might want to feel better the fact of the matter is, sometimes we have to choose trust and then our feelings follow.
I hope this ministers to you :-) I’ll be pasting this in my journal and going back it to frequently.
A Prayer of Trust for Seasons of Change
Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life. Psalm 143:8
Dear heavenly Father, in the morning, at mid-day, in the afternoon and throughout the night, keep on bringing us word of your unfailing love. That’s all we need, that’s all we really need. By the Holy Spirit, incessantly gossip the gospel in our inmost ear. Wrap the good news of your boundless, endless affections around our hearts, tighter and tighter and tighter. Permeate every bit of our being with your fresh mercies, steadfast love and transforming grace, for we have put our trust in you.
Father, it’s the assurance of your unfailing love which enables us to trust you with the transitions we go through in life and the uncertainties about the future. Change is never easy. Change makes us feel vulnerable, fearful and insecure.
We get tempted, once again, to be our own savior. Spare us that misery, Father, spare us and those we love. May our broken cisterns hold bitter water and our idols of choice fail us quickly. May your Word dwell in us richly; your peace rule in us powerfully; and your glory be our main passion and delight.
We’ve entrusted our lives to you, Father, because you alone are trustworthy. We’ve given you our sins, wounds, brokenness and weakness. Now, in fresh surrender, we give you our planning for the next season of our lives. Show us the way we should go through our transitions—transitions of age and stage; career and calling; health and finances; relationships and ministries. Write stories of redemption beyond our wildest dreams and hopes. It’s all about you, Jesus, not us, you.
We’re not so arrogant as to expect all the details. Just take us by the hand and lead the way. Father, continue to open doors we cannot shut and shut doors we cannot open. All we need to know is that you love us and that you’re with us. You’ve promised us both, and you do not lie. So very Amen, we pray, in Jesus’ peerless and priceless name.
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Trust is a choice
Trust is easy when I see the direction I’m headed. Trust is easy when I’m in “control.” Trust is easy when I like the path I’m on. Trust is easy when I see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Trust is hard when there isn’t a road map in sight and the GPS function on my phone breaks. Trust is hard when I didn’t seek to do what I’m called to do. Trust is hard when none of my questions have answers. Trust is hard. It just is.
But Jesus never said it would be easy.
Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life. (Psalm 143:8)
This is the background on my computer right now:
I usually run in the opposite direction when I see anything pop culture Christianized, but this is too perfect. Simple. To-the-point. TRUE. (And my sweet friend made it)
I know the people in my circles will greatly appreciate me keeping this reminder in front of me. Pretty sure the Keep Calm and Trust Jesus curtain does not need to be pulled back to reveal the crazy lady who’s dancing around in my head right now dying to make her Broadway debut this afternoon.
Joking aside, when I don’t have a road map and my GPS is broken, Keep Calm and Trust Jesus. When I didn’t seek to do what I’m called to do, Keep Calm and Trust Jesus. When none of my questions have answers, Keep Calm and Trust Jesus.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight. (Prov. 3:5-6)
On a total side note, I just want to call out the blog project I’ve been enjoying immensely with two very sweet friends of mine. There was a day I dreamed of solid, honest, raw, hysterical and hilarious friendships and this project just reminds me of how God truly does do exceedingly and abundantly more than we could ask or think. Perhaps I should remember that when I don’t want to Keep Calm and Trust Jesus ;-)
PS. If printing ‘Keep Calm and Trust Jesus’ and putting it in your pocket, saving it to your desktop, making it your profile pic on your social network of choice, saving it as the wallpaper on your phone, or any other option of having it in your personal space would bring a much needed reminder to you throughout the day, please do so.
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