baby z
34 Weeks!!
Hello Sweet Little One,
We have made it to 34 weeks! Today we had our weekly outing to the doctors’ office. Momma was excited to wear normal clothes ;-) your heartbeat is strong as always and you continue to move around a lot.
We have some big news from today’s visit; the doctor told me that it is very possible you will make your debut in the next few days {momma is more dilated now}. In fact, she told me that she is on-call this weekend at the hospital and wouldn’t be surprised if she delivered you {I really like this doctor so I wouldn’t be disappointed}.
Thankfully you are still head down and we are praying you stay that way. And since we only live 20 minutes from the hospital we’re still at home and should be just fine.
There was a period of time since we began this process where I was quite nervous about you entering this world early, but I believe our God has prepared me as best as possible. He has cared for both you and I {and your daddy} in wonderful ways and I know He will continue to do so.
If you arrive before next Tuesday you will head to the NICU, but don’t worry we will be right behind you. If you are born after next Tuesday it is possible you will not have to go to the NICU. Either way sweet one, we are confident in our God and the way He has knit you in my womb. Even the doctors say you are a strong baby! I already knew this as your kicks and punches are strong!
We love you so much sweet one and cannot wait to meet you as soon as God allows.
Propped up on the chaise lounge ;-)
33 Weeks!!
Holy cow! We made it to 33 weeks! Tomorrow marks 4 weeks since we were first admitted to the hospital, and if we can make it three more we’ll be in excellent shape :-) {although, we really are in good shape considering everything}.
I had a doctor’s appointment yesterday and besides the exciting fact that it was the first time I wore something other than leggings or pajama bottoms in weeks, it was so nice to be out and walking. I was quite tired after the endeavor, but came home with a good report.
Baby Z’s heartbeat is still going strong and my exam showed us that nothing has changed. So we remain at home on bed rest and consider ourselves extremely blessed.
As many of you mothers might know, the doctor measures my tummy from bottom to top and the length in centimeters should equal the number of weeks along I am. So technically I should have measured about 33 cm, give or take two centimeters. Well, I was measuring 30 cm, not quite in the range they hope for. Now normally this means the doc would send me to have a fetal growth ultrasound, but since she saw in my chart that our little one was approximately 4.7 lbs last week {!!} and in the 70th percentile for development, she wasn’t worried. The doc chalked it up to Baby Z being balled up quite a bit, go figure. Baby doesn’t feel all that compact to me though ;-)
My parents continue to be a huge blessing in many, many ways and getting the nursery along is one of those ways. I’ll write a post just about the nursery when we are finally finished and I can add pictures. I’m really excited about it though, it is looking great if I do say so myself :-)
Had a lovely visit from the incredible Auntie Shelly ;-)
Read MoreAnd an equally lovely visit from the Procter girls!
The growing bump :-)
My Bed Rest Reality
What I might have thought about bed rest before:
Resting comfortably
Getting waited on hand and foot
Having grapes fed to you
Perhaps getting fanned by servants {okay, I know that’s a little extreme}
Time to catch-up on reading and all those TV shows you’ve missed
Days of sipping virgin daiquiris as you lovingly wait for your little one to arrive
What it really is:
- Making sure you drink plenty of water and stay hydrated to thwart contractions
- Making sure you exercise your bathroom privileges often as a full bladder causes contractions {go figure}
- Hopping from different ends of the couch and to the chaise lounge trying to get comfortable because if you’re back doesn’t hurt, then your hip does, or your rib cage, or {insert body part}
- Going to the doctor’s office once a week is a BIG outing
- Showering and blow-drying your hair EXHAUSTS you
- Every little thing takes MUCH longer as trying to get comfortable makes it hard to do anything
- Biggest accomplishment for the day is walking up the stairs to sit on the couch the rest of the day and back down to go to sleep at night {our bedrooms are downstairs}
- Asking someone to get you something as simple as a glass of water because you shouldn’t get up and get it yourself
- Hearing the neighbors and their kids pay outside in this incredible summer like weather we’ve had for a week+ as you sit on the couch {if you know me you know that I LOVE to be outside}
Okay, so there’s a lot of not so fun stuff… BUT I have to also mention the good stuff that is also a part of the reality:
- Getting to spend a ton of quality time with my parents {seriously, when was the last time we got to hang so much?}
- Picking out the finishing items for the nursery with my mom :-)
- Having extra hands meant this past weekend Mr. Z made a huge dent in the nursery {like I think what he and my parents accomplished would have taken us three weekends!}
- My mom using face time to show me what they did in the nursery {I heart Apple}
- I found a mobile spa {no joke} and so we’ll be getting manis and pedis right at home next week {hopefully}
- It is March Madness ;-)
- I don’t have to worry about what I’ll wear tomorrow as leggings and whatever top I choose is just fine {no need to worry about what I wore last week or two days before}
- I get to sleep next to my husband
So while parts of this season are really hard, there is much to be thankful for. This is definitely one of the more difficult things I’ve ever done, but I think it’s manageable because I know the blessing on the other end.
{Also, I must be fair, there are many women who are on much more strict bed rest than I am. They have to lie on their side all day long, meaning not even allowed to sit up! I don’t have to do that. That would be REALLY hard!}
Read MoreAgain. And again. And again.
The doctors had warned me that I would most likely have more contractions as a result of the move from the hospital to home. Yet even knowing this in advance when they came on I was quite unnerved.
This is my first pregnancy; will I know that labor is progressing?
If not, will I be putting my sweet baby in jeopardy?
These were {and at times still are} the questions that have ravaged my brain, stole my sleep and kept me distracted from being able to focus on much else. It’s tiring thinking that I am solely responsible for the life that is growing inside me.
Here I am again, staring fear right in the eye.
I love Beth Moore studies—so much so I’m actually doing one right now since I’m on bed rest—and in one study I remember her saying that God will bring us back to the same thing again and again until we finally surrender it to Him. And He does this because He loves us just that much that He doesn’t want us living this life with burdens we are not meant to carry. He desires to carry the hard, difficult and overbearing things that we feel crushed underneath.
His yoke is easy and His burden is light.
When Mr. Z and I broke-up it took may attempts to surrender my thoughts, feelings and emotions about him and our relationship before it was finally surrendered. And it wasn’t until I trusted in my God as the sovereign author of my life story that I finally was able to forgive myself, forgive him and move on from our story.
He is nudging me to trust Him more deeply. He is nudging me to continue to accept that He loves our little one more than we do and that He will care for him/her in ways we will never be able to. {Even now, as I sit here day after day.} Will I trust Him and His sovereign plan in this new normal? Will I surrender my fear again? And again? And again? Until FINALLY I cannot anymore because it is completely surrendered?
Read MoreFather in heaven; help me to surrender my fear to you daily until there is nothing left to surrender because you have taken it all. I have seen your miraculous hand move throughout my life and especially in this exact situation. How weak my flesh is, but how wonderful You are to strengthen me by Your grace. Help me to not forget what You have done in the past, to remember that You will bring me from glory to glory and that this too, this fear that creeps in and out on a daily basis, can once and for all be surrendered wholly completely to You. You are my rock, my fortress and my salvation. I love You my Abba Father and surrender to You.
32 Weeks!!
We are home now and resting. My doctors told me that I would probably feel more contractions today than I have in recent days since I would be moving around a lot more than I have in the past three weeks {moving around being getting from the hospital to our home}. I’m still on strict bed rest like I was in the hospital but I am grateful to be home. Today’s post is another letter to our little Baby Z.
To my sweet little one:
We made it to 32 weeks! This is HUGE sweet baby :-) The doctors have told us that if you decide to come into this world now we won’t stop you. I do hope you will wait until 35 weeks though {although I really should be directing these comments at my body and not you, as it is mama’s body that seems to think it’s okay to release you}.
We had an ultra sound yesterday and can I just tell you how sweet our God is? When I had the first ultra sound with you in my tummy I so wished Mome {remember, your grandma?} could be there to see you too. I sent her an email later that day telling her how much I wished we lived closer and she could see you. Well, I just love how our God orchestrates all things for us in such special ways. Your Mome was able to come with me to see you yesterday! And let me tell you, you sure put on a show for us. We’ve known for awhile that you are head down but today we saw that not only are you head down but you have one foot nestled right next to your head and the other on the opposite side of my tummy. When we discovered that it suddenly made sense why I felt kicks on opposite sides of my tummy ;-) We’re now convinced that you are going to be a gymnast.
The purpose of the ultra sound was to measure your growth. And WOW sweet one, you are growing well! They estimate you are at 4.7 lbs now {give or take 10 percent}, you were at 3.1 lbs less than three weeks ago. And according to their charts you are measuring above average right now. This is so wonderful little one. If you are born early you’ll be in great shape! Plus, my body is giving you all the oxygen and nutrients you need with no obstructions. We’re doing well sweet one, so very well.
The doctors have also said they are going to send us home for the remainder of the time you are in my tummy provided our exam and our non-stress test go well today. We’ll still be on bed rest, but momma is grateful to get to sleep next to daddy and be in our own house. Plus, Mome and Pop are here to take care of us, along with a lot of friends and family :-)
I promise you I will continue to keep you as safe as I can. I long to hold you and take care of you but you need more time if we are going to avoid the NICU. Three more weeks sweet one, just three more weeks and if you make your debut we should be able to come home right away. Just in case we don’t make it to 35 though, I’ve been reading a lot about preemie babies and know we are blessed to be at one of the best hospitals in the city if not he country.
I love you sweet one!
Here we are little one, about to leave the hospital
{I took this as we stood up from getting
ready and walked from the bathroom to our bed}
31 Weeks!!
I am grateful to write that we have reached another major milestone, 31 weeks! It’s hard to believe we have been here {in the hospital} for 13 days now and are one week from our goal of 32 weeks.
If you have been visiting this space and reading at all about the journey we’ve been on, it has been nothing short of miraculous. Each extra day Baby Z spends in my womb the better off we are. And for the most part I’m keeping a positive mindset, doing my best to focus on God and His purposes rather than allowing my circumstances direct my focus.
I would be lying however, if I said this was easy. God’s grace continues to flow over me and I can sense His nearness in BIG ways. But my emotions can get the best of me at times.
Today I had a non-stress test and while Baby Z looks wonderful {strong heartbeat and great activity} I am having contractions again a bit more frequently. Thankfully I am not dilating at all; in fact I barely feel most of them. But that is the really frustrating part for me and plays with my emotions.
I’m finding it difficult not knowing exactly what is going on with my body. I know some of this is par for the course with being a first time mom and some of it has to do with my unique circumstances, so I’m trying to give myself a break. But the planner and control freak in me is really struggling with having to let go of something so close to me—my body.
It is also hard waking up each day wondering if Baby Z might make his/her debut. Every night I try to sleep as much possible to make sure I am as rested as I can be in case it’s time to deliver our little one the next day.
I sensed from the onset that this would be a time where I would need to learn to rely on God for my emotional support, which is something I’ve never really had to do before. I typically don’t find it all that difficult to believe Him to physically provide for me, but I don’t think I’ve ever totally relied on Him for emotional support. This is new territory for me.
How timely that I received a text from someone dear to me that they are praying over me, Mr. Z and Baby Z. Reading the Psalm in its entirety verses 5-8 are ministering to me today:
5 Yes, my soul, find rest in God;
my hope comes from him.
6 Truly he is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
7 My salvation and my honor depend on God;
he is my mighty rock, my refuge.
8 Trust in him at all times, you people;
pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge.
So as I rest in this hospital room I’m learning {although slowly, gotta be real here} to pour my heart out to Him in new ways and to trust Him more with each day. How easy it is to let my emotions sway and yet how true His word is—He is my rock, my salvation and my fortress.
Mr. Z brought me my favorite ice cream the other night ;-)
My cousin sent me a card in the mail right to my hospital room, so sweet!
Mr. Z brought my calendar from home for me. I love this thing!
And here we are at 31 weeks :-)
