motherhood
Our love. His love.
It’s a wild and crazy sisterhood out there. We may have nothing else in common but the one thing that brings us into the church nursery, to the infant swim lessons, into the PTA meetings. We remember the exact day our lives changed and will share it with each other without hesitation. We desperately try not to loose ourselves in these little ones but it certainly is a battle. We ache for times of quiet and peace, and yet our hearts are never quite as satisfied as when we see their scrunched up little face after a time away.
We’re mothers. We’re generation builders. We’re God’s chosen vessel to nurture and care for the lives He created to do His purposes. We are blessed. We are humbled.
As time goes on into this motherhood thing I’m amazed at how much I love it. It didn’t come right away for me. To be honestly raw, when my son was placed on my chest after he was born I was much more consumed with how painful labor and delivery was than this little precious being now laying on me {God bless those women who can say labor and delivery was the most beautiful thing they ever went through, I am not one of them. When I was done I literally looked at my mom and said I might be getting an epidural next time!}. And as the days went on I couldn’t believe the radical emotions I felt, from love to fear to angst. But as the months have progressed the joy and incredible love I have for this little one have grown in such measure that I never thought possible. I loved him the moment I saw the two pink lines, but this love keeps growing and growing and growing—something I did not anticipate.
As each day goes by I am overcome by the reality that this love I have for our sweet little boy—unconditional, fierce, irreplaceable—pales in comparison to the love the Father has for EACH of His children.
Including me.
If I, a mere human being could love with this capacity, how much MORE does the Father love us? How much more does He beam with delight when we accomplish His purposes? How much more does He hurt when we hurt? How much more does He long for good for our lives?
I am not one to make resolutions each New Year. But I am one who likes to live intentionally. I believe it is what God wants for us. And this year I am choosing faith over fear. If my God could love me the way He does—and I know He does—then what could I possibly fear?
I’m praying for 2013 to be a year of great faith where I trust in the everlasting, all-powerful Almighty who loves me with a love I can only partly understand and believe Him to knock my socks off no matter our circumstances. I hope the same for you too :-) Happy 2013!
Read MoreAnd I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Ephesians three 17 – 19
The Scary Vulnerability of Motherhood
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We sat in Starbucks with our babes, only two months apart, sitting on our laps. Two new moms who barely knew each other but the commonality of motherhood was enough to bring us together, any opportunity to get out of the house and talk with another adult.
Her little guy had been a pretty fussy baby but she was starting to reach the place all of us seem to find at some point, when we begin to figure out what the cries mean and what they need. During our last time together I had shared my unintentional discovery that led to our little man sleeping through the night so when we met this time she explained she tried it, it worked and she was never turning back. I was so happy that something was working for her and SHOCKED that something I had discovered worked for someone else. Maybe I’m not too bad at this motherhood thing, I thought.
We continued talking about meal planning with babies, the roles our husbands played in caring for the kiddos and how we were adjusting to these new bodies that we just weren’t familiar with… STILL. I mentioned I would need to leave soon as I hadn’t brought a bottle for Will and the time was approaching his next feeding {I never overcame my fear of nursing in public}. It was then she said something that has stuck with me still today {and this was at least four months ago}, “We’re not on a schedule yet. How did you get on one so quickly?”
And there was the question I was so afraid of being asked. It’s a simple, innocent and harmless question. Yet, it scared the daylights out of me. Why? Because the LAST thing I ever want to do is push a theory, method or idea of parenting on another person AND to be so very honest with myself, I am terrified of being judged for my parenting and the decisions I make {after all, I am my worse critic and certainly don’t need someone from the outside contributing to that criticism}. I know this might be an extreme reaction, but I’m willing to bet that I’m not the only mom out there who has felt this way.
As time has gone by and I’ve thought more and more about why this has been my default reaction, I’ve come to realize this line of thinking, a fear of making a mother feel judged and feeling judged myself is really what has kept me from blogging more as well. Because unlike a project at work where I can quickly and easily measure its success there isn’t any definitive way to know if I’m doing the “right” thing for my baby. And unlike a project at work, there aren’t 900 other PR/Marketing professionals ready to voice their opinion on what I’m doing {at least not in my office}. But in the blogosphere, there are millions upon millions {check out the infographic at the end of this post} of moms out there willing to voice their opinions. Some are helpful and some are hurtful.
But here is what I have come to realize and what I have started to do differently. There are things that have worked with our little man and I happily offer those tips to friends ALWAYS with the caveat, “This worked for us, I don’t know if it will work for you, take it or leave it, but it might help.”
I’m not entirely certain why I am even writing this post other than I have felt a keen sense that I must not be the only one who feels this way {especially in this Pinterest-driven, super mom world}.
I think the most helpful thing for all of us mommas out there is to embrace a spirit of unity, helpfulness and support. What may have worked for me and my little one might not work for my next one and me. And it certainly might not work for you and your little one. Each mom is different and each baby is different, even if they share the same gene pool! I guess my point is, let’s be helpful, but not pushy, let’s accept that there are many ways to do this parenting thing and many different methods have produced quite loving and productive human beings. Let’s be cautious with our words and the way we approach sensitive topics like natural or drug-assisted childbirth, breastfeeding or formula feeding, making your own baby food or buying it, working or staying home, etc.
After all, being a mom is one of the most important things we will ever do and there is an entire sisterhood out there to help us do it the best we can!
Five Minute Friday: Stretch
1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no overthinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join.
3. Go a little overboard in encouraging the writer who linked up before you
Are you ready? What are you waiting for?
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
It’s my first Five Minute Friday in a loooong time and I am so happy to be a part of this again. Love the community behind this and the freedom to just write {even if what I write doesn’t make any sense, ha!}.
STRETCH
Motherhood is stretching. Not only have I learned to stretch, okay perhaps contort is the right word, my body in all sorts of ways; like as I try to change a dirty diaper {and by dirty I mean blow-out} in the dressing room of a clothing store without getting “it” on baby, me or anything else {somehow I think I grew an extra arm in that feat}, or while feeding baby and the television remote or my iPad are just out of reach with my free hand {feet can come in handy at times}; but it is stretching me in mental and spiritual ways that I did not see coming.
Motherhood never ends. Even if you leave the home to work. It never stops. And for a mom like me who has begun her own business from home while raising her first child, stretching is the theme of life.
Must send an email.
Must feed the baby.
Must write a communications plan.
Must bathe the baby.
Must make dinner.
Must play with baby.
Must do the laundry.
Must hold and cuddle baby.
Must follow-up with that person and that person.
Must love on baby.
MUST SPEND TIME WITH MY GOD.
Stretching is par for the course now. It will never stop. Maybe when baby Will is out of the house? Maybe not.
But I tell you, when I think of the most flexible people on earth my thoughts gravitate to ballerinas. So while now the stretching is hard, and I’m not quite as nimble as I’d like to be, if one day the stretching will lead to a fluid and flexible beauty, I’ll embrace the stretching now.
Read MoreLove is a choice
Love is a choice.
It’s a phrase I’ve heard so many times. And it is a phrase I tend to agree with.
But not entirely.
Having a baby, my sweet Will, has shown me another kind of love. And it certainly is not a choice. It is much more like a reflex. I have no control over it. And I feel like I’ve been blindsided by it.
He has done nothing to earn my love, nothing to make me love him. He just is. And I just LOVE him. With every fiber of who I am. It is a fierce love that when I am not with him for even the shortest period of time I miss him with an intensity I’ve never experienced.
And he has no idea. He has no understanding right now of just how much I love him. Frankly, I don’t know that he ever will. I never understood how much my mom loved me until I brought this little guy into the world. Now I understand. And I am floored.
In this way, love is not a choice. It is the result of God’s design. Only a Father who loves His children unconditionally and without warrant could design a human being to love this way.
This love has given me a small glimpse into God’s love for His children and I will be forever changed. He has enabled me, a fallen woman, to love with depth that I didn’t know was possible. And to think that our God loves us even more.
Oh how He loves us. That He would send His Son for a wretch like me.
Love is a choice. But sometimes it’s a reflex.
Read MoreParty of Three
It’s taken time and who knows when I’ll get back to this space again {at some point I promise I will}, but on April 25 we welcomed our beautiful Baby Z into the world. William was born at 9:08 a.m weighing 7.4 lbs and measuring 20.5 inches long. He is simply wonderful and mom and dad are deeply in love with this little gift from God. As we adjust to being a family I’m pretty sure my presence in this space will be quite sporadic so in the mean time, here are some pics of our sweet Will ;-)
His precious little hand gripping my night gown.
Loving the car seat.
Resting with dad.
"Mom, put the camera down."Read More
Reading Round-up on Motherhood
Lately I’ve come across a few blog entries and articles on motherhood that I thought I would share in this space. I found them all encouraging in one way or another. Enjoy!
This blog entry from the Gypsy Mama is a huge blessing for new moms, young moms and moms who just need to be reassured, it’s going to be okay.
I really appreciate the balance in this blog entry from the blog Passionate Homemaking. I felt like she addressed the two major camps of parenting (baby-wise and attachment) with grace and respect for both “sides.” It’s quite a comforting read for this soon-to-be-mom.
I LOVE Pinterest and if you’ve read my blog for any amount of time you probably noticed that. But this article from the Power of Moms on simply being what your children need rather than what Pinterest or any other social site might tell you you need to be is a great and needed reminder for many of us.
This blog entry from Desiring God a while ago, is a wonderful reminder of what our “job” really means.
And this article, well the author was married one year to the day before Mr. Z and I tied the knot and she has a little three month old girl. I might kinda feel like we have a lot in common so her raw and honest yet positive and hopeful outlook on this new season was a huge blessing of a read for me :-)
Read More