Resolute Woman
Have you ever been on the receiving end of a miracle and been so humbled by it because you know deep in the depths of your heart that you didn’t do anything to deserve it?
I haven’t been blogging as much due to our sweet baby boy and all that is required of me to care for him but if I were to be honest, he’s not the entire reason. It has been a hard season of faith for me. Let me explain.
There is a love that has ravaged my heart to the point of fierce protection. It has compelled me to a place of feeling almost super human at times. That might sound nuts, but I’m pretty sure that this love I have could propel me to take out a 300 lb 6 foot 5 man in a matter of seconds. You know, the don’t-you-touch-my-son-or-I-will-break-your-neck kind of strength. And where other women might be humbled by this and get on their knees even more and ask God to equip them for this journey not me, my independent streak has grown and I feel like I can do it all.
But I know, from previous experience mind you, I simply cannot do it all.
I cannot do it alone. I cannot do this life well without the power of the Holy Spirit.
But instead of heaping coals on my head and crushing me with the weight of the things of this world, my Savior performed a miracle. Instead of condemning me for foolishly thinking I could be the wife and mother he’s called me to be in my own strength, he showed Himself through a situation in which there is no way the outcome could have been any other than God Himself.
I am humbled by His mercy and grace.
In a time when to my human logic He has every right to “punish” me, He loves on my family and I and gently but hugely shows us that no matter how we treat Him, He will love us, care for us and provide. This compels me to get on my knees and pray, to read my Bible (His love letter to us), to praise Him in all things and serve Him always.
I can’t say it’s an automatic reflex to land on my knees every morning and open His word. It was at one point in my life. When I knew I needed to leave the house at a certain time to beat traffic and get into the office. A time when much of my responsibility was outside of my home. But now, the bulk of my priorities are in these four walls of our home, taking care of two incredible guys and working from a desk in our cozy living room. Some mornings I know I’ll have time to be with my Savior and others, well if the little one decides to boycott his morning nap, who knows what the day will hold.
In the end though, through this most recent miracle my Savior has gently and lovingly reminded me yet again that He is worthy of all my time and affection. That in Him all things are possible {Matthew 19:26} and He will provide for us. There is simply no need for me to rely on my own strength, because frankly, it just won’t work {Proverbs 3:5-8}.
