I posted this entry at The Block today and normally I would direct you over there, but this one I wanted to be in this precious space as well :-)
We’re at the tail end, about to cross finish line. We’re running up the very last hill, knees hurting, muscles cramping, gasping for breath, but running hard and as fast as our legs will take us. We’ve come far and we WILL finish strong. We’re determined.
That’s how Mr. Z and I feel this week. We’re in the final week of tax season and we’re trying hard to finish strong. Just like a marathon, the race has had its ups and downs. Navigating this course while establishing our new life together was no easy task. But as we come to the end, I am witnessing God’s faithfulness and the beauty of refinement that comes through this blessed union.
Before we were married the phrase “love is a choice” reverberated through my head like a pin ball being ejected from the shoot and never leaving the course it was just propelled into. I thought I understood this concept but wondered if I grasped it or even could to the point of execution.
I grew up in a world where love is a feeling. Love is pretty dresses and romantic dinners. Love is shared interests and butterflies. Love is big smiles and doe eyes. Love is the Titanic or better yet, the Notebook.
Then I chose Christ. And this word love took on new meaning. I learned of a Love that was born to die for me even before I knew He existed. I learned of a Love that saw through my flaws and shortcomings and saw me as beautiful. ALWAYS. I learned of a Love that burns away my ugliness and makes me into something I could never be on my own.
During this busy tax season, I’ve learned a little about what “love is a choice” looks like as a wife.
I say this humbly, with my heart exposed as this was not an easy thing for me to learn. I’m almost embarrassed to admit it, and I am guessing that this is only lesson number one of many more to come. I am certain I will be in this curriculum for the rest of my life as Mr. Z and I learn more and more about one another and our Savior’s design for us.
“Love is a choice” means choosing to see my fearfully and wonderfully made husband through the eyes of Christ on a daily basis. It is believing in him when he doesn’t believe in himself. It is seeking to learn his language and embracing patience and gentleness. It is unconditional, perpetual and persistent. It’s being present while resisting the impulse to speak. It is choosing faith over circumstance.
I’m certain that I can count on each tax season for the rest of our lives being a season of refinement. I feel like a holy and righteous woman would say she is looking forward to this scheduled refinement but I’m not that holy and righteous woman. I do look forward to the end of each tax season though. I can see now that God will make me more and more like His precious Son and I’ll be able to love my husband and our yet-to-be family with a Divine love that is only possible through the Author of Love.
My hope, as has been since we began this blog is that writing from my heart will help some of you in your journey, even if it’s just one sweet woman.
What does “love is a choice” mean to you? Can you recall a specific time in life when this phrase became real to you?
my handsome choice
